For many of us when we find out that we're wrong in whatever we're doing it bruises our confidence a bit that can bring about a certain level of embarrassment. When you're wrong and only you know it, it can feel a bit more digestible where you can shrug it off because it is only you that deals with it. But when you're wrong and other people know it, it can be much harder to deal with because it can bring about a flood of “I told you so” being ridiculed, put down or losing other’s trust.
This can trigger that defensiveness because it is others attacking us from multiple angles. The negativity that it brings makes the sensation much stronger and leads us to avoiding being wrong. In avoiding being wrong it's a sensible approach because it is about aiming to play it safe. We want to know that we are doing things right or well and if not, it can make us crawl into a state of wanting to do nothing.
Generally, a person's confidence tends to be correlated to the number of correct things that they do. The more correct things done the greater the confidence will be. But what about avoiding being wrong? Does avoiding being wrong increase your confidence? Some might say that it can or at the very least it preserves it. But in avoiding being wrong it takes away at being risk averse that can be very beneficial as it does not develop accountability.
Psyche of being wrong
There's a tremendous benefit in experiencing being wrong, not on a consistent basis because it can damage a person's confidence consistently but experiencing it in the right amount. The right amount of being wrong is all dependent on the person. For some there's going to be those that have high tolerance for it where their belief within themselves seems to be unwavering and they are more inclined to take risks. They can try so many different things and are still steadfast in the way they approach life.
For others it is difficult in experiencing being wrong because there is a level of needing to see certain results to continue do the same behaviors. This is where caution drives a person’s action to mitigate risk. It's not that they'll avoid risk at all costs, but they'll carefully assess when and where to take risk. There will be a certain level of comfort in taking on new and unfamiliar situations.
But for those that are completely against being wrong it can be a big detriment because it means missing out on great opportunities. It creates a constant need for certainty and safety that keeps you in a very small circle of competence. Now it's important to be able to do things well because it gives a sense of contribution and significance.
In the short term being wrong can hurt. It's an uncomfortable position to be in but experiencing enough of it and reflecting on it makes the unknown less intimidating. This obviously is going to lead to being comfortable in failing because in failing you'll learn and gain a lot of things about yourself that you can apply going forward.
Being wrong and acknowledging it allows you to enjoy what you do. It takes some of the pressure off needing to excel at everything you do. It lets your guard down to being open to new things beyond what you know, and this leads to gaining perspective. To step outside yourself and experience wonderful surprises. This really helps to knock down some of those self-destructive thoughts of living up to needing to appear right which only inflates the ego.
A lot of times this might come from those that influence us who put an unreasonable amount of expectations on us. This could be parents or teachers or friends that put conditions on us to behave in a certain way or to deliver certain results. Saying things like failure is not an option can make it seem like it's an all or nothing situation that we're constantly facing. This can lead to catastrophizing things to sound the alarms to act with more urgency to deliver results right now. Some people really thrive under these conditions but others it can be off putting where it triggers wanting to rebel, just not bringing out the best in people.
Avoiding being wrong is a determinant
Think of some of the common things that are used to motivate us, a lot of them tend to be a consequence that needs to be avoided such as if you don't do your homework, you're going to fail the class. If you don't deliver this project as expected, then your job is on the line, or we might go out of business. Or if you don't eat well that you're going to die soon.
Instead, these types of things should be reframed such as if you do your homework, you're going to gain a greater amount of knowledge that gives you more options to do what you want to do in life. Or if you do the best you can in delivering this project everyone will benefit from it. Or if you begin to eat well, you’re going to improve the quality of your life. By rephrasing it in these types of manner it gets us to focus on the good things that are possible instead of avoiding the bad things and it takes some of the power away from what is negative. This just emphasizes the good and minimizes the bad.
Just think about that old school mentality of when things go well, nothing is said because that's what's expected but when things go wrong that's when everybody opens their mouth about everything that was done wrong. It brings out the hostility that just pits people against each other. Obviously, we're all going to experience unpleasant circumstances but those that can turn things around are focused on what can be done going forward instead of looking at what already happened and blaming.
Naturally, we are going to want to panic and find fault for when things go wrong. That is part of the survival side that we all have. In being self-aware of yourself when things go wrong, you are more likely to overcome being wrong instead of being frozen by it. To know where you are going you got to know where you currently are. This shows how much further you need to go to reach your destination. Sometimes that means being really close and sometimes that is really off.
In being really off from you want to be it can be discouraging because of the distance in between that shows how much work is yet to be done. This is why when you can see you are close to finishing or reaching your destination you become rejuvenated because you can see what has been anticipated. The light at the end of the tunnel is within reach. But when you are far off or what appears to be far off, darkness takes over and it becomes harder to see what you are working towards.
Being wrong prepares you for what is difficult
When you can acknowledge when you are wrong it better prepares you for when things are dark because experiencing enough of that discomfort, quiets the panic that wants to come out and slowly brings the calmness within you to navigate uncertainty. This can prove very crucial in many situations because it will lead you to retreat or continue to forge ahead.
For many people uncertainty is a very scary thing to deal with and will put up with unhappy certainty just to make sure they can continue to survive. This might come from the lack of confidence that they can navigate the unknowns. Others contribute to the matter by projecting negativity that further cripples the belief within a person. The kind things are said like be sensible, go with you know or guarantee that your needs will be taken care. The harsher words are you are not good enough, smart enough or strong enough to go after what you really want.
Hearing this type of language on a consistent basis eventually becomes ingrained in your thoughts. If this is the case and you want to be able to handle being wrong for you to be better you can counter what others say by questioning the negative connotation that is said, asking if I am wrong can I recover from it and for many situations yes, you can.
If you break a bone, lose money, suffer some sort of setback, it typically does not mean game over. You can start over or just pick up where you left off. If were wrong in the decisions you made you can make up for it by making good decisions going forward. You just got to get past that uncomfortable stingy feeling of when it first does come about.
A great way to really just get comfortable in admitting when you're wrong is saying it to yourself not just thinking it but saying it out loud to yourself. Where you actually say the decision I made was wrong and this helps to alleviate some of the pressure of living up to a certain expectation. If you're wrong and it affects others, admitting to them that you're wrong is also going be very beneficial.
It can earn you more respect amongst your peers because it shows them that you can self-evaluate, self-regulate, put your ego aside and be honest with them. What many people want is that level of transparency that earns greater trust. Typically, when you can admit to somebody that you're wrong it shows a more humane and compassionate side that is reciprocated where others can be more open to you and admit when they're wrong.
Being wrong lets you be yourself
There's a significant power in acknowledging when you are wrong and saying it to others. It really lets your guard down to be yourself. To know that you're going to make mistakes just like everybody else does and just got to move past it instead of dwelling on it. This is where significant progress comes from because for many of the successes that people enjoy there were many wrong turns taken, wrong decisions made but in being reflective trying to gain valuable information it allowed them to pivot to the successes that were achieved.
Make it a habit of weekly and even daily if it's helpful to call out when you're wrong as this takes away at that shock factor where you become a bit desensitized to it. Some of the common things such as ohh I'm running late I was wrong in preparing my lunch at the last second and instead will prepare the night before to save a few extra minutes. Or I was wrong in preparing for the exam or presentation, I’ll dedicate more time next time to get better results.
This might not seem like it's going to make a difference but consistently doing so it adds up overtime just like saving a few cents here and there a few dollars here and there, it adds up. The language that you use becomes layered and it's what you default to whether good or bad.
Get comfortable with being wrong because it is telling you to pivot quickly, to make sure things are corrected before it becomes a big problem. In avoiding being wrong it coddles and limits you, so when changes come and if it happens quickly, it can be hard to deal with. The more you put off acknowledging when you are wrong the less adaptable and boxed in you become that leads to catastrophizing any discomfort that is experienced.
Simple things such as making a wrong turn in an unfamiliar location or having a delivery come late will be blown out of proportion. So when things much bigger happen such as a car accident or getting into a argument with someone, it becomes much more overwhelming that causes an outburst or shutdown. But practicing accepting being wrong, the simple wrongs are less bothersome, and the bigger ones are handled with far greater composure and effectiveness. It still can be scary the bigger the wrong is but having the calmness takeover quiets the want to panic.
Final thoughts
If we can just be transparent with ourselves and the people that we hold close to us, then it starts to take away that want to hide some of the insecurities that we have. And that's a great part of what being wrongs does for us, it chips away at being embarrassed and can be our full selves with all the great things about us and the faults too. We all want to be known for the great things that we do and hide some of those faults or at least minimize them, but those faults allow us to better connect with one another.
It's like one of those moments of you have that same problem too and then it allows us to open up with one another and then we come to find out that hey maybe it's not as big as what I thought because now I have somebody to talk to or somebody to lean on and we can help out each other. Let yourself be wrong say it to yourself, say it out loud, say it to the people that you're close with and you become better acclimated to it that better prepares you for uncertainty and challenges because we all will face them.
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