For many of us, we are chasing a state of happiness where we're enjoying ourselves because it means that we're doing something right. When this happens there's a tendency for our confidence to grow and our perspective on the world becomes enhanced because it signals what is yet to come that we're looking forward to. Those emotions that we experience outlast the memories that created them. We'll take those past emotions and use them as a road map into situations that we're currently in, where we reference them on how things will play out.
If each time you go to a particular place that brings you happiness such as going to the park because that's where you gathered with your friends and family to spend time and have a cookout, you’ll tend to view that particular park and even other parks going forward as a place that brings you that joy. This can serve in the same way for emotions such as anger or fear.
For someone else, a park could trigger fear if they had a bad experience like getting in an accident that leaves a lasting impression. In this case, parks will constantly be compared to what happened in the past. It's natural to want to avoid that physical place that reminds us of a hurtful or uncomfortable experience because we want to keep that emotion that is associated with the memory away and this might be done trying to get to that state of happiness.
Being unhappy serves a purpose
Anything other than that state of happiness where it’s not those things that bring us joy is not a bad thing. It's not that they're failures in any way but they serve a purpose to get us to pay attention to. It becomes about correcting or taking some sort of action towards the source of what evokes that emotion. In the case of a park being a bad memory because of a particular accident that happened, to get over that it's not simply to avoid parks in general but to work your way through that experience so you can grasp what went on and you'll eventually find a way to move past that emotional state.
When you're able to heal from a bad experience and grow from it, in general what happens is you're no longer controlled by past situations. You can live more intently in the present so you can better handle yourself and have better experiences based on what is occurring instead of what already occurred. Instead of just seeing parks as a bad experience because it's just an accident waiting to happen, you'll understand that that was just a moment in time and that the past will not dictate how you will experience things going forward. You can resolve what happened, so you operate with a more open mind.
This shows us that we're not meant to be happy all the time. Those days or moments where you find yourself not happy, are not a bad thing. It's estimated that on average each person has about 60 bad days a year. That’s 16% for the year. This number can help condition our minds to be better acclimated to handling it when it comes, knowing that is expected about 5 times a month. It transitions us from wanting to panic or become even more frustrated to understanding that it's just one of those days and you'll figure out a way to get through it. That it will be over and can move onto a new day.
When you're better prepared in whatever it is that you face it gives you more confidence and a level of calm where you're more self-aware of what to do and what not to do in a responsive way instead of in a reactive way. This takes away some of the power from the situation that you're going through where instead of seeing it as this big giant scary thing, it now seems like it's not that bad or not as bad as originally anticipated.
Think about when you've experienced something frustrating that you’re anticipating, you could be ready for it or you could just give into it which will not benefit you. Say you've experienced many flat tires before, those past experiences are naturally going to prepare you to deal with it mentally so going forward you have a better chance of taking it in stride where you say well got to do it again instead of saying damn, I got a flat tire.
Excessive happy can be a determinant
One thing to note about consistently being in a happy state is that too much of it can become boring. Where things are consistently going well as you expected or going your way then it desensitizes you to what brings you joy. It's important to experience a certain level of resistance that makes you feel challenged to sustain a certain level of feeling good over a long period of time. If you find that things are just too easy or are just kind of always going your way find something that is hard because if you don't you mentally become weak and then when setbacks and failures occur it becomes so much more difficult to deal with.
That feeling of disappointment is unfamiliar and causes panic because of too much happiness. When things provide very little to no challenge it does not develop your grit or resourcefulness, so it conditions one for things to be easy. Eventually we all will experience hardships and the earlier we experience it the better it can be handled when it arises. It’s almost like the smoother things go in the beginning the less sustainable it becomes because that junkyard dog has not yet been developed which in this reference means being able to thrive in many environments.
What makes junkyard dogs impressive is their great qualities such as their adaptability, toughness, resilience, and their ability to handle many different situations effectively. That's what adversity those for you, it brings out your inner junkyard dog, so it's not just fight whenever feel threatened but it's being able to assess things that are going on and adapt. Without it the risk is staying a puppy constantly needing protection, making it much harder to thrive in the situation that you're in.
Management of happiness is key in sustaining it
Another thing to understand about being happy is that it's correlated to experiencing the release of dopamine. The more that you experience the release of it the more you deplete the levels of it that requires so much more to just to feel like you once did. It’s almost like there is a finite number to use and manage to sustain yourself over the long term. You have got to use it when necessary and use discretion when you're going to experience it.
It’s about managing your happiness, not every day needs to be happy and obviously not every moment is going to be happy so those bad, difficult, boring moments are building up the reservoir of dopamine or happiness that you can really enjoy. Generally, when you experience the release of dopamine, especially with something that's very euphoric, naturally there's a falling off or let down. Where shortly after there's a bit of the feeling of what's next or like something is missing where maybe you might even feel sad. This is where that good feeling state needs time to recuperate.
Think about when you work out or just work in general, it can feel good to get what you want done but then over a period you're going to need a level of rest so you can feel and be rejuvenated the next time you're ready to go at it. If not, then there's the likelihood of the quality of your work or your workout suffering because burnout will occur. Come to think of happiness in that same way where experiencing too much of it might be desensitizing you to all the little things that make life meaningful.
If you were to have your favorite food every day you would eventually get bored of it. But if you have your favorite food on occasion, each time that you have it you'll enjoy it that much more because you've been deprived of it for a certain period and then the anticipation of it makes you look forward and savor it when you do have it. This is not to say that if you're consistently in a happy state that you need to look for something that derails you from it but in those times that you're having a bad day or feeling bored, instead of trying to chase happiness let yourself experience what you’re feeling. Process what you're going through instead of trying to immediately replace it with something that gives you instant satisfaction.
Schedule time to experience unhappiness
When you do the things that you really enjoy make it a priority to actually take a break from it so it doesn't become dull like that favorite food you have if you were to have it every day. If you enjoy playing video games or watching movies or playing a particular sport, take a break from it so you can get back to a longing state for it. Where you give yourself just enough time off that it makes you want to get back to what you once did.
It's about managing that fire you have, that enthusiasm for what you're passionate about. This just helps to ensure that you can sustain that level of looking forward to things over a long period of time. When you do take some time away from the things that you enjoy, you don't have to do anything that's miserable but maybe it's something that is new or boring.
If you like playing video games maybe you want to start reading a bit more or using that time to learn how to cook different things. This just gets your mind in a different mode where you're actively thinking and taking initiative for something that is not your favorite thing to do. This develops discipline that's going to benefit you later down the line. Eventually you become comfortable, not needing to be in a happy state consistently, being able to embrace the mundane things that make it possible for all the necessary things to be taken care of.
In this state your mind can wander where you can come up with great ideas, figuring out solutions to problems that you're facing or just making things better. When you experience that monotony, it’s almost like you become a little disconnected to reach that type of thinking to be free, where the restrictions of what is occurring are not limiting all the things that are possible. Where the outside world might think it's crazy and even you might think it but in this state all options are on the table.
Imagination is not bound to the realm of reality because reality is limited to what is known while imagination is immense and vast that gives way to new and better ways of doing things. This is part of what gives way to creativity because it's not just through happiness where comes from but through a state of boredom or a state of being anxious. It’s nice to be entertained but too much of it can make you fatigued instead of recharged. Give yourself that downtime to be in silence as this allows you to become centered and your focus is sharpened. This gets you back to the basics, understanding what is important.
Experiencing different emotions makes you more balanced and stronger
We need to be able to experience all those other different emotions outside of what makes us happy so we can make significant progress in who we are and what we do. Growth comes from when we're challenged and struggling only to overcome the thing or the situations that we're facing and a lot of the time the progress that is made is not going to always be in an upward trend, sometimes you're going to take those downturns, those steps backwards to help you reflect what needs to be done better.
That is not the time to feel sorry for yourself but it's a chance to develop your resiliency to keep at it. Growth is hard where you must experience resistance. It doesn't mean that it gets easier, it just means that you get better and eventually you become so conditioned to it that you almost crave things needing to be hard that you need to be challenged so you can push past to new heights.
All those other states outside of happiness are going to get you to act, to do something right now. It's what lights a fire underneath you to get you to pay attention. Come to embrace everything outside of what brings you joy because it's going to further develop your patience and your resiliency to not need to be entertained or in that state of pleasure all the time.
It's knowing that dry spells that you go through are necessary so you can further enjoy all the little things. When we forget that, there's a tendency to become numb to what we should be thankful for. How many of us really come to stop and say wow I'm breathing on my own, I'm able to walk, I'm able to talk, I'm able to do so many different things. Typically, we're only aware of how fortunate we are when something has been taken away from us or that we're no longer able to do a particular thing.
If you ever had a broken leg or a time where you couldn't walk or use your arm for a period, there's more likelihood of longing to get back that ability to do so. Where you think about all the little things that get overlooked instead of being seduced into chasing the next big and great thing. That want to be consistently entertained makes us devalue what we have because when we have it, it loses some of that Oura. It’s when boredom settles in.
Final thoughts
As you go through your journey in life make sure to be present in what you're going through and it's not just those happy times but also those uncomfortable times, those difficult moments so you can effectively process what you're going through. It can be painful to acknowledge what it is that you're facing but over the long term you become better for it because you become mentally stronger and your confidence grows. You’ll be able to reflect on how well you handled things before and if you haven’t, you’ll learn from it so you can be better going forward.
It's about acclimating yourself to all the different feelings that you’re dealing with. The more you try to fight the resistance of whatever it is you’re going through the harder you make it on yourself. Bruce Lee points out that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind. Be willing to bend when needed. Trying to force yourself to be happy will just bring about frustration and can possibly break your spirit. All the other emotions are allies getting you to focus on the source of what is causing you pain or discomfort so make sure to pay attention and act. Treat the problem not the symptom and you will have greater peace in how you handle yourself. It’s about finding the optimal amount of happiness, staying balanced.
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