Typically, we put a lot of trust in others whether it's our parents, our friends, our peers or all those people that we look up to. We look to them on how to handle ourselves or how to handle situations, trusting that they know what to do or know what you should do. It's important to have these types of people in our lives that help us along the way but sometimes we forget that the person that we should be trusting is ourself.
Because you see things from your perspective the only times you really see yourself are in the mirror so you're constantly looking at other things whether it's people, things on the TV, on the computer, on the phone, whatever it might be. It is vital that we trust ourselves and sometimes we must relearn how to do so because our confidence might have been shaken where maybe we make a mistake, or someone criticizes in a very nasty way.
This can lead to long lasting effects that make self-doubt constantly at the forefront of our thinking. It's natural to feel bad when we make a mistake because it's trying to wake us up to what we need to do better. But when somebody criticizes us in a way that crushes that belief in ourselves it usually comes from somebody that we're trying to gain their reproval or already have it and then there's a certain expectation that we need to live up to it.
We don't want to let those people that we care for down, where we might say I should have known better I should have not done that. This makes us reflect that could spiral into being overly critical of ourselves where we second guess the decisions we make or are about to make because we fear making the wrong choice. In these times that we find ourselves where we might be losing that trust in ourselves is pivotal to strengthen it and regain it if necessary because once we lose that, we give up the power that we have.
Defining self-trust
Let's begin by defining what does trusting yourself means. It is assurance in yourself based on your principles and what you value. It is clear what you uphold and live according to it. We know that mistakes and failures are part of the process so that right off the bat signals to us that we don't have all the answers or do the right things all the time. Knowing this can ease that initial shock that we might experience when these setbacks occur.
In having that self-assurance, it gives you the strength to move past these moments that can be unsettling. It signals a strong confidence but not an arrogance that is rooted in finding the right answers instead of needing to appear right in front of others. Having this outlook makes admitting to yourself when you are wrong and are not ashamed by it. It’s a realization that you're on the path to overcome the things that they're struggling with. Not being blinded by their own biases to prevent self-destruction.
Those with this self-trust can be self-reliant to face certain obstacles but also willing to ask for help when they need it. This gives them the ability to handle that self-doubt and use it as constructive building blocks. So those times that mistakes or failures occur, instead of self-doubt beating you down it's used more to reflect in an objective way to see what was learned from that experience. It's still obviously going to sting to evaluate some of those past experiences but it's having enough of that tolerance to stand there and look past that uncomfortableness to see what the greater lesson is. Where instead of saying that was stupid of me how could I have done that it becomes about OK what did I do wrong, what did I learn from this and how am I going to apply that going forward.
This prevents you from being stuck in the past so you can focus on right now to improve things in the future. Think about it, the more that you think about what could have been or should have been from your past experiences you tend to live there but if you can extract those lessons that was gained instead of dwelling on it, you’ll be busy focusing on applying what was learned. The result of this is that you live more empowered, and you can stand true to yourself even when others are not on your side. That you will not conform based on being outnumbered or even being outcasted.
Be yourself
To build that trust within yourself first just be who you are, just being true to yourself not worrying about if others will accept you. It's OK not to be liked by everyone or even by most people as long as you like yourself, that's all that matters. The people that are close to you and truly care for you won't care because they'll be willing to accept you for you. And if they don't then maybe they're not people that need to be in your life.
Because we are social creatures, we do need to be accepted by others to make us feel like we belong, but it shouldn't come at the cost of sacrificing who we really are. So, if you're a guy and your buddies like sports but you don't you don't have to force yourself to like it. Or if you're a lady and you like fixing cars and trucks and your girlfriends don't like it, you don't have to give that up. That pressure to conform can feel suffocating so use that as a sign to break free from needing to behave how others expect you to. In fact, that your expectation should be that you're just yourself.
Embrace those things that you enjoy, others might find it weird but it's just because they're coming from a different viewpoint. We all don't have to like the same things just like we all don't have to like each other and that's not a bad thing. It's not that we become enemies, it's just that maybe we don't have a common bond in certain areas. Just because someone is not interested in golf or does not like it automatically makes them anti golf. It’s just some things do not suit them.
Spend time alone
To help strengthen that trust within yourself spend time alone. Be intentional with your time where you're just focusing on yourself, not communicating with others in any way as you’ll further explore your thoughts. Many times, our own thoughts are not explored enough to come to understand where our head is at and when that happens it leads to feeling a bit lost or confused. Where we are less certain of ourselves and are more hesitant leading to being reactive instead of proactive.
That alone time helps to clear up many of these things that gives us a greater sense of who we are and the more that it’s done, the greater the trust is built within. It gives you the chance to decompress and rejuvenate where things become more manageable. This increases your concentration to allow you to better think more profoundly where instead of wondering what am I doing, it becomes why am I doing it.
Knowing your reasons for why you do anything gives you rocket fuel in your pursuit instead running on fumes. It better helps recognize why you should or should not do things that makes you pivot quickly. If you ever found yourself in that limbo state like you are just floating around, it can feel like what am I doing, where am I going. This can make it feel that time is just passing you by. Alone time helps you get out of that state quicker where it serves just as a rest stop instead of a long-extended stay that keeps you there.
Solitude gives you more time to discover yourself instead of being influenced by parents, friends, peers, or the media. You give more of your time to let your mind unravel and develop into a new level of independence. People at times think they are do us a favor by pushing their own ideas onto us but what they might overlook is knowing how to be effectively supportive and instead become naggers. This just makes us want to rebel or move away from that pushiness.
Giving yourself the time to think helps you break free from needing to be comforted by consensus because you are mentally prepared to go your own way even when others strongly disagree with you. This increases your confidence and gives you the power to keep going instead of self-doubt keeping you in place. Your emotions become more tamed that do not get in the way of what you truly value.
Use the alone time to get away from that one size fits all approach and find the customizable fit. This is that time to ask yourself things such as is this the right way for me to go, where you consider how things can play out and if you can handle them. What really becomes overwhelming is when we are surprised for the worst because it means we haven’t prepared to withstand it. That alone time gives you the chance to work through things. When you can effectively think things through, it gives you assurance going forward.
Aim to be decisive, even when unsure
Another thing that will strengthen the trust within yourself is being decisive. The less trusting you are in yourself the more you tend to sit there and wait for things to happen. Where the hope is that I don't need to make a decision because it will be made for me. That fear of making a wrong decision constantly chips away at our ability to assess things properly. And this generally leads to a life where we're not satisfied with what we have.
To work your way out of this or to prevent it from happening, make simple decisive decisions and eventually you can work your way up to bigger decisions that gives you the confidence that you're comfortable with it. Aim to have your decisions be sharp like a well filed knife. The sharper that knife is the better you can cut with it, but the duller the knife is the harder it is to cut what you want so you're stuck, not separating between things and it just becomes a mess.
Some things that you can incorporate into your daily life is deciding what you want to eat for breakfast even though you may be unsure if you want cereal or you want pancakes, just make a decision and follow through on it. Even if you're disappointed with it, at least it’s conditioning you to make a decision and owning up to it. We're all going to make wrong decisions or bad ones, but that should not stop us from making future decisions.
Dwelling on them will only prevent progress from happening. Instead reflect on them and see what was learned so a bad decision helps us gain information so we can make better ones. We can find out why it was a bad decision and remember certain factors that we can apply going forward. Making bad or wrong decisions are not final, they are setbacks, but you can always recover from them. Sometimes they can lead to great things because it helps realize things that we might blow off when things turn our well, where what is good is taken for granted.
Remind yourself that the decisions you make are not all going to turn out well so be patient and forgiving to yourself. Like anything else, the more that you practice what you do the better chance you have of improving at it. The more you can get better being decisive the more trust you have in yourself. See all those decisions that you make as a library of information where you can look back as reference points to help you navigate future decisions. Learn to even laugh at some of your bad decisions as it helps to move past being so critical of yourself. It will serve you in the long run when you can decide on things with conviction as opposed to sitting there and sucking your thumb. A decision made is better than waiting for one to happen. When you make a choice, you exercise the power that you have.
Final thoughts
Trusting yourself comes down to internal respect, where you have developed your way of thinking to stick to your values and principles. That you are confident enough to go against the norms or what is popular if you deem it necessary. It means that you can tune out the outside noise to listen to yourself to guide you in difficult moments. The more in tune or n’sysnc that you come with yourself the better you understand and develop your sense of what is right for you.
You can lean on others for advice and help but your sense of value in yourself will increase the more you can be independent. It’s knowing that you will not always have the answers but working your way through things brings out that resourcefulness. Uncertainty will be seen more as opportunity and fear will no longer prevent you from doing things. This leads to leveraging that want to retreat to safety and instead will fight for what you deem worthy. We all have dreams and aspirations to do great things but those that do are the ones who trust themselves that they can make it happen. Go into your fight believing that you can and that starts with listening to yourself, finding ways to make it possible.
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