The 6 Human Needs (Which One Is Your Biggest Need)
Beyond the basic things like air, water, food, and shelter, we all have what’s known as the 6 human needs. It’s what drives us daily, for why we make certain choices and why we end up feeling the way we do. They help us do some great things but also can cause us to suffer from it. The 6 needs are certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution.
We all have a need for each one, but certain ones are what really motivates us to do what we do. They vary to different degrees but a certain one really grips us and when you come to find out your biggest need you better understand what makes you tick. You’ll know what makes you happy and sad. It’s almost like you can step outside yourself for a little bit to see how things are connected and gives you a greater sense of how to approach things going forward.
How our needs are formed comes from many of our experiences early on as when we are young, we are a lot more impressionable. The lack of or reinforcement of certain things shapes what it is we are striving for. Sometimes the need is developed because it hurts us, so we run to ease that pain or because it brings us joy.
Maybe having lack of love early on can make someone long for it, that makes them be more loving and wanting to make meaningful connections. Or that certainty is what was always part of growing up that drives you to be safe. Whatever it might be, your human need can be fulfilling when you can channel it properly. Not knowing what your need is and not harnessing it properly can leave an empty feeling no matter what is accomplished.
Certainty
The core need of certainty requires the need to feel secure and safe about what is to come. This need is that survival mechanism that helps us ensure that we have enough to drink and eat, to have a home that we can live in and feel safe about it, that our health is in good condition. So having things stay the same gives a sense of control in what is an uncontrollable world. That feeling of knowing you can count on people, situations and things being there always gives peace of mind, it’s still there.
This need makes one more organized and consistently follow through on things. Having a plan such as a schedule or map of things helps ease those nerves as it means it can help reduce certain unknowns. This desire for consistency makes it harder to be adaptable and what we know is that life will always change in some way. And with this change comes the uncomfortableness of modifying how you do things to keep up with change.
The driver of certainty is to avoid pain, constantly needing to be in that comfort zone. Decisions will mainly be driven by how can I not get hurt and if taken to the extreme it could lead to living in fear. While the thinking is no, I'm not going to take on new experiences because it can mean me not experiencing a good time that's going to damage my confidence or it can lead to being seriously hurt like doing a backflip.
Sometimes this can mean missing out on great opportunities like getting the chance to live in a new environment, a different part of the country or a different country entirely. This can lead to being a little bit closed-minded to think or do things that only align with what you value. This can fall into obsessive behaviors where people, things, and situations must be on a rigid schedule if not it can cause one to panic and make things bigger than what they are.
If that is the case where certainty is what drives you, you can leverage it to your advantage. Having that quality of being organized and detail oriented is very important to get things done with excellence because you're ensuring that you're following through on what you set for yourself and for others. That consistency gives off a high level of transparency, so others know what you expect of them, and they expect of you.
To help manage that need for certainty where it does not become a problem make it a habit to every now and then do something a little bit different, so you get the chance to experience that uncomfortableness at a low level. Where it's not going to scare you off from avoiding taking any risk at all. Sometimes when things go consistently right all the time and then things go unexpectedly it can cause someone with this need of certainty to just flip out because they probably forgotten what it's like to experience that feeling of things not panning out to their expectations.
So, if you're expecting a certain package to arrive on a specific date yet it comes a day later, and the timing is not crucial then being a day or two late is not that big of a deal. Things in life are not always going to go our way and just because they don't, that's not a reason just to throw a fit because it can get us all worked up for something that in the long run really didn't matter.
Variety
The need for variety is what helps some people get excited, that the unknown creates a feeling of anxiousness that is something that is strived for. Where it keeps one interested as there is a tendency to become bored quickly. They’ll be spontaneous where they might quit their job in an instant, make a huge bet or taking a road trip at the last minute. Where it is solely about living in the moment and the future is not considered or at least not important.
That expected consistency is a real big turn off that makes them seek something else just out of the urge to try it. This can lead to taking a lot bigger risk that can be very dangerous. This tends to be those thrill seekers who might take it to the extremes of swimming with sharks or jumping from one building to another. That adrenaline is what they're constantly chasing and when it becomes about that big wave of emotion that just explodes it also can cause a big letdown when you don't have it.
Where it depletes your dopamine levels and each time you reach a new high, it only means that you'll need something much higher just to feel at that same level. The simple things will be taken for granted such as your favorite foods or a hug from your loved one or getting the opportunity to just be around people that you enjoy. If it does get to this point that's where things that are great in our lives are forgotten about, where it becomes all about trying to fill that emptiness that is never going to be enough.
If variety is your top need, then making sure to give yourself an allowance of risk can be very beneficial to you. This helps to satisfy that urge of that unknown that also not depleting your dopamine levels that you can still feel that sense of happiness and joy that you get from the simple things. Being able to just stop and think about things in the long run can give you a better idea of how you can sustain that excitement.
Instead of just quitting a job at a moment’s notice without really thinking it through you can tailor it to where maybe you do understand that you need to mix it up and you stay at a job maybe for one, two, or three years to almost experienced that boredom so it can propel you into something else but you give yourself enough cushion to be able to stick with things.
This can be a really huge asset because it keeps you engaged and builds something over the long run. This can make you more diversified because of all these different experiences that you have but you have enough wisdom to dial back that need of needing to feel a rush constantly. Come to view boredom as a necessity to help recharge and refocus yourself almost where you're building up pressure so even the small things become exciting.
Significance
We all in some way need to feel significant because that's what in a way gives us our sense of being unique, which we all are. That the people who acknowledge and appreciate us makes us feel that we matter. Recognition is what drives this need, to be seen and heard. This provides that sense of validation that we or our efforts are worthy. If we think about external rewards such as trophies, awards, money or being acknowledged by a large crowd this helps to drive home the point that it is all about the end. This way of measuring success makes us feel more significant.
The more amount of money that is made or having a higher title, or being known as one of the top or the top person in your field reinforces that you are somebody and it is natural for others to notice. That attention can be motivating. Those with significance as their biggest need are out to be successful as their competitive spirit comes out and that makes them more noticeable. This is great because it makes them better in their chosen field. While we all have natural talents and gifts, it won’t matter if they are not developed. The competitive nature can make up for the lack of natural talents and gifts.
As with anything else, excess can be a detriment and others making us feel good should not be the primary driver of what makes us feel significant, but they are just a supplement. Too much emphasis put on needing others to acknowledge us clouds us from why we are doing it. We will not understand if it is done out of the want internally or the need to be seen by others.
If we happen to lose ourselves in this type of need what we do becomes how we define ourselves. Where that success or the lack of it is ultimately what we might see ourselves as. In the case of if you're the best engineer in all the region and that's all you see yourself as then significant carries too much weight that determines how well you feel about yourself. Eventually they'll come the day when somebody else is going to be known as the best engineer, so is that going to make you any less significant because of it? If it is, it might be a great time to dial back how much emphasis put on it.
Come to see significance as value in yourself for who you are and of course you can celebrate your abilities and accomplishments because you've positioned yourself for them. But don't let them be the face of how you see yourself. Our desire to feel good about ourselves motivates us to push forward for something ambitious, something more than what we're doing now.
It is a great thing to strive for something more because it pushes our limits and helps us realize what we're capable of. Embrace celebrating other people's victories as this signals a quiet strong confidence that you are not threatened by others and can share the spotlight. It’s just going to make everyone better because at the core it is about being significant together.
Love & connection
We all need love and connection to live a healthy balanced life because when we feel that we're cared for we have a greater sense of valuing ourselves. It makes the relationships that we have so much more fulfilling because it's based on a level of accepting each other as is. That there is no precondition to be worthy of love. We are social creatures and when we have that connection and love we are able to operate with a greater sense of assurance of ourselves.
Where if we had a bad day or things have gone wrong those people in our lives are there to help us in our times of need but also there for us to celebrate the opportunities we are afforded with each other. Those who have connection and love as their top need tend to be very loyal to those that they love. They’re able to be more willing to share what they have, to show that level of commitment.
But sometimes those relationships that we find ourselves in are not that of equal parts where one gives more than the other and the more generous person tends to be taken advantage of. This could lead us to become unaware that we're given more of ourselves that might be sacrificing our own well-being. So constantly trying to make our loved ones happy at the cost of making ourselves happy means we could lose sight of who we are.
We might not even realize that we've become lost in that shuffle, and it becomes more and more difficult saying no to their wants or needs instead of focusing on being more connected with ourselves. This might happen in a situation where you have a strong desire to go ahead and have a day just for yourself to relax and unwind but in being taken advantage of, the person who's receiving more than they're given will gladly say can you do this for me instead, I really need you.
Guilt might compel you to drop everything because it means that what love is. Connection and love should be beneficial to both sides, not one serving the needs of the other. We have got to come to evaluate our situations and just recognize that there are times to be selfish because selfish means getting yourself right so you can be more caring and giving to others instead of sucking out all your great energy that people truly need.
Growth
Growth is striving to be better, where it is focused on the journey, knowing that we are not a finished product so we can evolve to learn new things and enhance our experiences. This gives us the freedom to be able to pursue something so much greater without being restricted by the fear of failure. That failure is actually part of the process that fuels growth. Being able to experience that uncomfortableness allows us to be more resourceful and find ways to figure things out. It means that we're not ever fully prepared but that doesn't ever stop us.
Those with this as their biggest need tend to challenge the norms and are very independent. It can be frustrating at times because consensus is not going to be on the side of those that are leading the way for growth. Where those norms are set in place so others can follow and it's going to feel very isolating to be on this path. One thing to remember is that the norms were put in place by people who were looking for growth. Today it's very normal to ride in a car, in an airplane, we use the internet to gain whatever information we need but this was all advanced by people who wanted growth and at those times they didn't accept the status quo of a horse and buggy, of traveling by ship, or of just not knowing things.
It will feel maddening at times where maybe you do question is something wrong with me, but there isn't. That just means that you're constantly looking for how things can be better, how can I improve. This is obviously going to rattle a lot of cages. Many people are going to become frustrated or threatened by this type of behavior and you shouldn't let that deter you from constantly seeking growth. Avoid conforming because it means hiding the greatness within you. There's that great saying if you're not growing, you're dying, that if you're not constantly improving yourself, you're leaving yourself further behind because change will catch up to those not getting better.
In your pursuit for growth, it's going to be important to be able to catch your breath to regroup when you become frustrated at things not happening fast enough. There can be a tendency to become icy where people might see you as aloof or a bit too much to handle so by being able to harness that energy to better connect with people, they can help fuel your growth. Like anything great that is built, it requires a great team working together so be more willing to work with others instead of forcing them to.
Contribution
The 6th and final need is contribution where it is the need to make a difference in whatever capacity chosen. That the need for something bigger than yourself is so much more compelling that draws you closer to it. This gives you a big burning desire to continuously give your all to your cause of interest. Where your compassion just wants to be there to help anybody in need. In filling this need you are a lot less concerned with the individual status and are more focused on your willingness to add value in whatever way that you can.
This gives you peace of mind each day that you know you're doing meaningful work that makes a huge impact whether it's on a few people or on a large scale. This is why some people become doctors to help those suffering from a health issue, why people join or start a charity because they have an urge to use their abilities so others can benefit. People who have this as their biggest need are quick to help those who really need it, willing to give up what they have so others can be well off.
But that same type of manner can be taken advantage of. Some people might prey on those who have such a generous heart that they might take them for whatever they can. They might be deprived of their time or money or whatever other resources that makes it unsustainable to fill that need. They might even become resentful if they've been drained of that energy. We're almost they become wounded from those past experiences. That optimism turns to pessimism thinking that everybody is trying to pull a fast one on them.
To help safeguard against this from happening just be aware of those that truly need you, instead of just trusting them at their word, actually follow through on the resources allocated to the people that use them. Find out if somebody is looking for a handout or if they're willing to work for it and they might just need a little bit of assistance to get going.
Many people would like better things in their life but how many of them are truly willing to work for it. Being able to decipher between them helps sustain that passion that you have for the wonderful need to give back. This need is so admirable because it can make us all better, where we all make a little bit of time to give something beyond what impacts us individually and overtime they can add up to massive results.
Final thoughts
Understanding these human needs helps us better understand our own behaviors. Once we can understand which one or two really drives us to do what we do we have a clear picture of how we can live more meaningfully. You’ll know specifically what makes us happy and what makes us feel down. If your needs are not being met, obviously this is going to impact how well you feel about yourself.
Each of these needs has its benefits and drawbacks to them so it's going to be very important to find that balance where you can harness the power that you have to fill those needs. We're all not meant to be happy and joyful all the time just like we're all not meant to be in a down mood all the time, but each one is needed in a certain period to help us enjoy those simple things in our lives. Which one is your biggest need?
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