For those who have a high standard in whatever they do some of the pitfalls that come along with that is taking yourself too seriously because of the constant need to live up to that standard. That it's become a habit to consistently execute things at a high level and a large part of that is being focused on what needs to get done. What tends to happen over time is taking yourself too seriously which becomes a burden and it's almost like you've taken on this persona that is so heavy that it restricts who you really are.
We all want to feel valued and respected and sometimes this is done through a level of fear where a person shows their dominance by huffing and puffing to signal their strength or what appears to be that. A lot of people will tend to back off to avoid any sort of confrontation but what this leads to is the person who is the loudest or shows their anger in a way that frightens others makes them continue this behavior because they have been rewarded by others doing what they want or at least not challenging them.
Or somebody might take themselves too seriously were they feel not good enough and might beat themselves up unnecessarily for not living up to a certain set of expectations. Sometimes being overly critical of yourself might work to motivate you to get better but that chips away at your confidence because while you might get the results that you wanted it ultimately comes at the cost of how you feel about yourself. And this leads to almost never feeling good enough even when you achieve what you want.
This can affect your self-talk where it becomes more and more negative just to get you to perform or execute at a high level. And your self-worth will be based on an external outcome so it's dependent on getting the results. Both types of outlooks can lead one to feeling tight and constantly fighting to maintain control over things that are really uncontrollable. The things that are always within our control are the attitude that we have and the choices that we make. If you need external things to go certain way to feel at ease, then you are more likely to be on edge where the slightest thing can make you overreact.
Now it's important to have accountability and discipline to get things that you set for yourself but at the same time it's not so healthy and sustainable in the long run to make it all business like where it's all work and no play or no fun. Where even the slightest things not going how you expect to, or things are not done exactly how you say can lead to being self-centered that pushes people away.
We all know that we're going to experience rough periods throughout our lives and the better that we can handle the small things, especially when they are unpredictable the better we can navigate those rough periods. Part of what's going to help you manage these times is to relax and just not take yourself so seriously. Our faults, mistakes, and failures that we make are not there to cripple the belief in ourselves but to see what was learned from it.
Why we are serious
We all have a need to be respected and this can be done through being professional, being prepared or educated in certain areas that signal a high level of seriousness that means you are ready to go. That you are efficient with your time and want to avoid all the wasting time. With that comes a certain level of seriousness so others know that you have a certain level of expectations that should be met consistently. Essentially what this does is it weeds out those that are just kind of wasting time and you can focus your energy and attention on those that are really about the goal or the mission that you're trying to achieve.
We understand that the small things matter, those details can be the difference in whether you reach your objective or not. The term of nice guys finish last might come from the squeaky wheel gets the oil where the one that becomes noticeable usually through being the loudest is the one that others pay attention to. And because those that are quiet or are nice others might interpret that as being weak. This eventually misguides many who think that strength comes from overpowering others.
There are those who can silently show how committed they are by their resoluteness. That their focus is on one singular thing. This can be for good reason because being able to have your attention all into what you're doing gives you greater chance at making progress more quickly as opposed to jokingly do it. The seriousness that others show probably comes from dangerous situations that were once a lot more prevalent. The brain is there to help us survive so it’s going to take things a lot more seriously to avoid being endangered.
If we think about jobs in manufacturing or agriculture, 40, 50 and 60 years ago they were a lot more dangerous because they involved a lot of machinery and moving parts where a body part could get caught in something or your clothes might get caught in it and it could lead to potentially fatal situation. Or if we think about school, teachers might harp on students for not being serious about their schoolwork because it could mean that they have limited options when they get out into the workforce. Not taking school seriously could lead to getting lower grades and reduced skill sets, potentially.
Essentially what this comes down to is seizing opportunity to avoid feeling hurt. Either we ourselves feel bad about what we came up short in or others make us feel bad. That we want to avoid being seen in a negative light. This causes us to move with a lot more urgency and to not repeat the same mistakes. The thinking going forward in everything that you do is I got to be serious in what I'm doing which is a good thing but not too much to the point where it you draw your significance from it.
Meaning the more serious someone is the more significant they feel, and this can lead to feeling superior to others. This can lead to hiding their flaws, believing that they are more important than what they really are. Eventually what we'll find out is that we make things bigger in our heads than what they really are. Those mistakes and failures that we face are not that big of a deal, most people really don't care. So, if you tripped and fell flat on your face others will not see it as big as you do because they are not feeling the way you do.
What is gained by relaxing
What you gain by relaxing and not taking yourself so seriously is the freedom to be yourself. That means accepting your flaws, your weaknesses, not trying to cover them up but knowing how you can work around them. Instead of avoiding mistakes you’ll be more inclined to make progress and that involves being willing to fail.
What others think of you becomes irrelevant because you gain greater respect for yourself knowing what you think about yourself is more important. This gives you greater patience and understanding when setbacks occur knowing that's just a moment in time and it's going to pass because you'll overcome it somehow. It's going to help you better manage your emotions where they're not running wild thinking that a situation is bigger or worse than what it really is.
Eventually this allows you to be objective about yourself and the choices that you've made. You’ll have better self -awareness to correct things before they become a problem. This is a really big thing that is very subtle and very important when it comes to improving yourself.
Because we're in that first person point of view it can be a difficult to see certain tendencies that are getting in our way but by being more self-aware. You're able to find certain things to improve on before it becomes a bad ingrained habit. It's preventative care that allows things to operate in a smoother, efficient manner. By being less serious you're more adaptable and can handle unpredictability with a lot more composure.
Imagine how you would go about your day, just life in general if you were not concerned with what could go wrong and are more focused on what could go right. Yes, the brain is going to help us to evaluate the potential harm that we might experience so that's something to consider but what if we use more of our mental energy on how we will make things go right.
Worrying can be a good thing because it wakes us up to the rough patches along the way so then you can come up with a plan on how to avoid that. In the case of the things that could go right your mental energy would be used on what do I need to do so it goes as best as possible. Maybe one reason why many of us don't focus on this is because it requires work.
We might see or imagine all the work required and then that alone almost deflates us because we might be thinking you mean I got to do all that for things to go well. Instead, we should reframe that thinking into you mean if I do all this then I have a better chance of things turning out well. And all this is made possible by just shifting the perspective that you have.
Remember to enjoy
If we just look at the differences between kids and adults one of the first things that we all notice is that kids can really enjoy their lives and yes, they do not have the responsibility that an adult has to focus on but there should be an emphasis enjoying the everyday things. A kid is thinking about what can I do that's fun whereas an adult is what do I need to do so things run smoothly.
The common thinking an adult will have is I got to get up at this time, I got to get to work, get to school or pick up the kids at this time. I need to get this work done, I need to be home at this time so I can cook and clean. If we come to think about it, that doesn't sound like much fun at all so it's up to us to make it a priority to find certain things throughout our day that we enjoy, that we can make it fun.
Maybe in between all that, turn on that music that brings that smile to your face or take 15 minutes to read a book or watch something funny. If we remember our reality is set based on what we choose to focus on. While yes there are many everyday priorities that need to be taken care of like being at a certain place at a certain time or having food ready so everyone can eat, we can incorporate those moments of pleasure to uplift us.
It's estimated that the average adult laughs about 17 times a day while the average child laughs about 300 times a day. This indicates that we might be taking ourselves way too seriously. We understand that we need to make a living, or we need to perform well at whatever we do whether it's school or work, but we got to remember to enjoy things that we have in our daily lives.
Laughter is a natural stress reducer that helps lighten the mental load that you carry but it also stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles and increases endorphins released by your brain. The longer-term benefit of laughing is it improves your immune system because it increases positive thoughts that release neuropeptides that help fight off stress and potential illnesses. It serves as a natural pain killer that puts you at ease and can improve your mood in an instant.
When you find yourself in those difficult moments try to find the humor maybe not so in what you're going through but look to what can bring a smile to your face. Maybe it's listening to a comedian or just things that occur throughout your day. Laughing might not be given much thought because it naturally occurs but it really should be a priority throughout the day. It's preventative care so you can stay relaxed and avoid being so serious.
Let go of needing to control everything
The only things we really have control over is our attitude and our behaviors, everything else is really not in our hands. We don't control how people behave or how situations play out or what the weather's going to do. We might influence them, but it's not up to us to try to make them bend to what we want to. If there is the constant need to feel like you're in control, then you're always going to be on edge. Constantly in a tug of war that really is pointless.
All that really does is give a false sense of validation that you're much more significant than everybody else. That what you say is a goes because it shows how strong your will is, how much power is flexed. This inflates the ego and is constantly seeking to prove themselves. In a state like this it makes one feel that without their presence, everything is going to fall apart. That they are the reason why things are always running great. What they may not realize is that they might be a big fish in a small pond only they don't know it. That their title props up their self-worth and typically they're threatened by others who challenge them in any way.
To get over this, come to understand that there are so many things outside of our control so why should we spend time worrying about it much. It's really wasted energy that's getting you all worked up for something you have very little to no effect on. Know that people are going to behave erratic or in ways you don’t want them to, or situations are going to play out in unexpected ways and if people or situations need to go a particular manner for you to feel at ease then you'll always be dictated by how the outcome.
Tell yourself that no matter how people or situations unfold they're not going to dictate how you conduct yourself. When you're able to do this, you have greater respect for yourself and you'll be a lot more calm. You become more adaptable so you can overcome the changes that occur instead of trying to resist it. Resisting keeps you in a state of being tense, on your heels, defensive and constantly reactive. Being flexible keeps you balanced so you can withstand impactful force that comes your way to move with the flow. This proves pivotal in times of uncertainty because you can move quickly where you fit in instead of trying to force things how you want them to.
Final thoughts
Taking yourself seriously is not a bad thing, it's great because it helps you be accountable and disciplined so you can get what you want done. It shows a high level of commitment that you are willing to work diligently towards something and it increases your odds of doing so. But it's about not taking yourself too seriously that your whole perspective and self-worth is wrapped up in the outcome that you want.
Remember what you do is not entirely who you are, and you shouldn't draw your significance from that, but it should be about who you are as a person. Mistakes and failures are OK, let yourself commit to them and learn from them. Embracing this will help you go forward with a new level of freedom to go after the great possible things instead of being hindered by all the great catastrophes that could be. Let yourself laugh, be loose and enjoy life.
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