We all have relationships that we have with different sorts of people where we're connected and behave in a certain way to each other. The quality of relationships that we have is the very foundation for how well we come to enjoy our lives and not the quantity alone. They make up our social support system that is vital to how we view our experiences. These relationships range in so many ways that include family, friends, and acquaintances. Some close, some distant, no matter what they are. But another relationship that we have that tends to be overlooked is that relationship with our own selves. This is the starting point of how we choose to construct the social circle that we have and who we let in it.
The better the relationship we have with ourselves the better we set ourselves up for everything else in our lives. What does this really mean to have a relationship with ourselves; and the simple answer is being aware of who you are and what you stand for. When you understand this, you gain more respect and a better appreciation for yourself. It means that you're more connected with who you are that further develops and strengthens you. Before we can have great relationships with everybody else, we must have that great relationship with ourselves first.
Better relationship with our own self
Some ways to make sure we have better relationship with ourselves is to define yourself and how you come to value who you are. This begins with the values that you hold, the things that are important and making sure that they are always at the forefront. How well you come to uphold what is important to you will determine how well you value yourself. These types of questions might seem complex in a sense but they’re only complex because there are so many distractions clouding your focus. When you're able to remove the trash and all the distractions in your life things become a lot clearer about what really is important to you.
To be able to get to this point it does take a little bit of time where you're sifting through what really needs to be in your line of focus and what needs to be removed. These types of question might startle people simply because they haven't given the time to just sit and think about those things that they truly value. All it takes is an intentional effort to find what that is for yourself. Once you can do that you start to unravel how straightforward you can make your own life, untangling what once might have been a complexity.
In a world where there is a constant source of instant gratification it can take up much of our attention because it keeps us gratified in the moment. If this happens enough times it will become part of our routine of what we're trying to seek. When you're able to delay those gratifications for later you become comfortable with the thoughts that you can process through. Even simple things like turning away digital entertainment so you can read and gain information that is going to enlighten you. Or even choosing to avoid overeating your favorite foods so that when you come to eat them, they become a lot more enjoyable later.
Being able to have that moderation in your life makes all those simple things much more significant that gives a greater balance. And once you're able to get to this point you become more and more connected to yourself because the things you choose to accept become more important as you come to be more selective. From there, you can better navigate the relationships you choose to form and develop.
Relationships we have
Throughout our lives we're going to have so many different types of relationships that come and go so it is going to be pivotal to cultivate those truly magnificent ones because what we all learn is that they are extremely rare. What makes these relationships so rare is that they are based on authenticity where the only thing that the two sides are in it for are for the sheer sharing of moments together. Those moments that you share together are experiences that you form that become your memories that make you even more fond of the person who you shared it with.
The admiration that you have for each other uplifts you to become a better person. That is the treasure that we all have. That time that you spend together is the currency you have that enriches your life. Where the more quality time that you have, it signals to them just how much it means. What we want is to be valued for who we are and not what we can do for each other. This conveys that acceptance is not dependent on an outcome.
If you look at relationships that you have with a coworker, or a business associate the relationship is based on gaining something of value such as information to help you do your job better or money in exchange for a service. This is logical we all have a need for each other in a sense to help us be stronger. This is how civilizations are built on where people specialize in certain industries such as agriculture, finances, construction, services and so many other aspects of what makes an economy function. This frees us up from having to know how to grow food, manage large amounts of money, build homes, roads, and stores that make us more efficient.
This leads us to become a bit more dependent on each other for a gain where the thinking comes down to if I form a relationship with another person, what do I get from it. We're not going to have the same type of relationship we have with the IRS as we are with our mothers. The IRS is there to have that relationship with you so they can collect the money in a civil way to help the government function while the relationship with your mother is based on your overall well-being. You and she have that bond that is built on care for each other no matter what.
Knowing this can help let go of dwelling on those relationships that you might have lost or moved on from and dedicate your time to what you have. Know the people who you value and why you do, and you’ll gain a greater appreciation for them. This is going to help you take greater care to strengthen that connection that you share. The people that we spend our time with can have an enormous impact on how we feel, which can be both good and bad. Once you're able to recognize how a person affects you it becomes a lot more straightforward whether you should move towards them or away from them.
Continuously invest in those relationships because it requires effort to maintain them. The simple things of calling to see how they are doing, if they need help with anything or to just ask if they want to do something together. This shows how much you care about them. In the busy lives that we live, we can always make time for them, it just needs to be prioritized. You want to avoid only relying on relationships in your time of need because it can come off as selfish and convenient for you.
Cultivate great relationships
Have respect lead the way for these wonderful relationships that you have developed. This means being respectful of their time, space and who they are, which will propel you forward through meaningful interactions. Look to add value to the other person, because if you are not, the most precious resource of time is being wasted. And time is associated with an opportunity cost, where if you choose poorly, you lose value in what could’ve been. A simple way to look at who you should invest your time with is by looking years out and then reflecting on the people who occupied much or your experiences.
Generally, the workplace occupies 1/3 of our lifetime which seems to be off a bit that can make us question how well we live if the job that we do is not what we enjoy, especially because of the people around. We all need to make a living, but this can be a huge sacrifice where money is the primary driver of the choices you make that can feel restrictive. When you identify who want to be around more often you can find ways to build the life you desire around that. This could be surrounding yourself with your loved ones by being in a family business, or being around people who share your interests. Knowing this will help you line up pieces in your life together, so money is not the primary driver of how you make decisions but how you choose to spend your time.
Money and time are correlated as we spend our time making money so we have the essentials and possibly even more. We can earn more money but not more time. At the constant focus to get by or get ahead to one day have more time to do what we want is what many of us are working towards. With doing this, it can sometimes mean sacrificing those special relationships that we have because to earn more money and maybe even the same amount of money it requires much of your time away from them. So our need to survive takes over and that money becomes comforting. Even if this is the case, we can always prioritize time for those that make up our social circle.
Different phases occur in our lives, that include the homes that we live, the jobs that we have but those relationships that we foster will always be present with you. The money that you earn, especially on a consistent basis gives you that instant gratification that what you're doing is paying off so you can cover all the things that you need and want. It does create a dependency mentally where if we're not working towards what we've always been doing then we cease to continuously have that income flowing in. But those relationships that you foster simply because you value them, are delaying that gratification for something that money is not able to fulfill. The common sacrifices that we all make are to let money dictate where we should move to, how we should spend our time, and how often to spend away from the work that we do.
That focus that if I'm not working then I'm not making money are things that we all tend to have at the forefront of our thinking. The more that takes over, the more it can comprise those relationships that are meaningful. If this happens to be the case, then there might be the tendency to lose sight of how much money is enough and this can be a difficult question to answer as many unknowns and unexpected expenses do come up.
Our first instinct is to survive which is why we continuously are working to make a living, but we got to remember to actually make a life for ourselves. To enjoy what we have worked for. What good is it to have an abundance of money and material possessions if you don't have the time to enjoy them. These things can make us feel good for a short period of time but nothing like the relationships that we have because we always come to reminisce about all the good times that we had with the people that we decided to be around. This makes those relationships invaluable because they cannot be measured in a set of figures that quantifies how much we enjoyed ourselves. Money on the other hand does measure the worth of things, which is why it captivates our attention because if we have enough of it we can buy things it at a certain price.
Value of relationships
With the concept of money, it is monetary value where a product or service is measured in a dollar amount. What makes us feel that money is well spent is when what was paid for the product or service at least meets our expectations of it. This could be buying a pair of Kirkland jeans for $11 because they represent good quality at fair prices. Their reliability of them could make you feel that they are worth having as they provide great comfort and durability. You could get another pair of jeans from a different manufacturer at a lower price, but that comfort and durability may not measure up to your expectations. Or you could get more expensive ones with the same reliability as the Kirkland brand and if value is important to you, you could be disappointed in overpaying for them.
The relationships we have can apply the same way where the time spent determines the value we have in our lives. We are looking to avoid the cheap relationships that prove unreliable and want to avoid overpaying for relationships that require a significant amount being taken from you. The ideal, and rare relationships are those that accept each other for who they are. And when you have this, you can measure the quality of how well you are living based on it.
Eventually you want to improve your relationship economy, where it becomes about engagement and recognition of each individual. The better you can do this, the stronger the ties you form because it shows how much you care for the people. This starts with being your authentic self even if it means that others reject you. You want to show what you stand for so you can better make connections. The people who value you will do so based on who you are and not what you want them to see you as. They will admire that in you. Your authenticity will help attract others in the same way that allows for curiosity and understanding of each other.
This will lead to better embracing the differences amongst different sides that shows it’s okay to disagree that cultivates civility and comprehension of different viewpoints. Disagreements can evoke a tremendous amount of anger if it is not processed properly because it can be seen as a threat to the viewpoints that we hold. We want to protect those viewpoints, sometimes to avoid the uncomfortableness. Disagreements are healthy because they bring about new ideas that exercises critical thinking. Come to view them as an opportunity to become stronger together. The more respectful the disagreements the more can be accomplished as hostility impedes progress. Have an open mind when this comes about by delay shouting out a response to try to defend yourself. This shows greater self-control that gives you the chance to learn new things. Sometimes our own experiences make it difficult to relate to what others are explaining.
Challenges in relationships
Every relationship that we have comes with difficult moments but the stronger that connection and that bond is, the better you have at overcoming those tough times. Come to see these difficult times as a test to see how well that relationship has formed. Just because things start to get rocky like you don't have a firm ground to stand on, continue to stick with it if you value what you have worked for. Sometimes the lack of understanding the viewpoints of others causes friction between both sides so when things start to become unsettling come to realize maybe your viewpoint is clouding you from understanding what the other person is thinking.
In cases like this the ego may try to take over to prove how right or correct you are in your way of seeing things but really what good does that do for the relationships that you formed. Great relationships are built on mutual trust where you have confidence in each other to discuss things and challenge one another for the better and are not built on dominance where one benefits at the expense of another through control. It should be that of a partnership where you rely on each other for support and growth and dispel that obedience factor of a ranking in stature.
Moving on from bad relationships
Over time we might come to realize that some of the relationships that we do have are where it is not a shared interest. Maybe it could be something where you're not valued in the same manner that you expect it to be and you're going to have to realize if that's something you really want to be a part of. Are you relying on relationships out of necessity or because you want to. If you feel you're not being valued for who you are then know that it's OK to move on, sometimes the relationships we are in hold us back from who we can be and what we can do.
Some things that you may want to ask yourself is this relationship helping you become the person you want to be, is it building you up for something greater? Because if it is not it's going to damage your confidence in all the things that you have the potential to do. This can be a tricky thing to come to realize as people want to hold you accountable and that reaction of them going berserk might be interpreted as that's just them lighting a fire under me to get myself straightened out. While this might help you to get things done, it's ultimately conditioning you to respond when things are urgent or when fear is invoked into you.
This can cause a dependency on the relationship because it can be viewed as something that is needed to propel you forward. So if you happen to experience those feelings of being belittled or shamed for what you've done then it might indicate that it's not a relationship that is healthy for you. You can gradually work away from it or completely remove yourself from it. Just find whatever works for you but just know it can be difficult to go through with that decision.
Some ways you can wean yourself off from those unhealthy relationships is to have those honest conversations with the person you have the relationship with. This helps you to clearly explain to them what is going on and the expectations that you have going forward. Maybe they never thought of how you viewed things, and this is going to help them reassess how they are treating you. It could be that they were unaware of how they behaved towards you, and they can address their blind spots. This could change the relationship dynamics for the better or it may not.
If things do not improve at least you stated the things within your control that will give you greater peace with your decision. This can help you gradually move on from it if you are committed to it. If they tend to become emotional during a conversation like this where they might get angry this is a clear indicator that maybe ending things abruptly will suit you for the better. That anger can cause fear to keep you in place and what you want is to get yourself moving and progressing forward. Relationships should give the feeling of being welcomed and not a feeling of being threatened.
Instead look to find people who empower you that builds your confidence in who you are. Great relationships provide a place of comfort to be your complete self without the constant jumping on your case for any slip ups or mistakes that you make. A great indicator of the relationships you want to form with people are those that when things go wrong, they have the composure to support you in your time of need, helping you navigate the obstacles that you are facing.
Where their primary concern is about your overall well-being. They know how to hold you accountable by instilling a want to be a better version of yourself. That they help you become stronger and more independent, avoiding becoming a crunch that you must constantly lean on to move forward. Relationships like this will completely transform your life so you can thrive. Simply put, look for people who are uplifting, self-less and who show it more that talk about it. And once you find these types of people make sure to treat them well because it can prove costly if you don’t.
Final thoughts
Bad relationships make you take a deep breath that feels suffocating while great relationships make you exhale and decompress about the things you are facing. Foster those great relationships because they will enhance how you live. Money is a currency to help us survive while relationships are the currency of life to how satisfied you are in how you choose to spend your time with. There is nothing wrong with being ambitious and chasing your dreams, but you have got to remember to always cultivate those special relationships that you have because they will magnify how enjoyable you live. What we all will come to find out is everything that we're working towards is to be shared with those people that we hold close to us. Their presence signifies the life we built based on those shared moments that we create.
Without them, there is an emptiness that makes us feel isolated and wondering about all the things that could’ve been. Look at the long-term of what you want in your life and the people who you want to be around, so you are not distracted by the instant gratification that derails your intentions. It's not so much about the quantity of people that you have in your life but the quality of them. Continuously be your authentic self so you can let it in the right people and remove those that are holding you back. While it might hurt to lose certain relationships, reflect on them and see what you've learned. The special relationships that you do have cherish the moments that were shared because our time together is limited. The more we can be in the moment, the more we can enjoy the presence of the company we keep. Do right to the people who accept you for you and things will feel more gratifying in your life.
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