In everything that we do there will be times where we’re not sure what to do next. This could be in the goals that we're pursuing, in the problems that we're facing, in the next phase of our life that we are entering. Were we pause and wonder about the options we have or the limited ones we think we have. In moments like this there might come the feeling that we do not know what we are doing, that we are about to make a huge mistake, so we want to mull things over to be sure of ourselves.
Here is the thing we should embrace; we don’t know exactly what we are doing because we are figuring things out as we go. We understand that the future is full of uncertainties, so we are finding what works for us. Embracing this in the paths that we take helps alleviate the pressure we put on ourselves. It’s important to put pressure on ourselves but not too much where it impedes our confidence going forward. When we can find that proper balance of allowing ourselves to let things flow and understand that as we go through things we are almost making it up as we go it gives us that slack. We will make mistakes and we can correct and bounce back from them.
Just because you have a specific title of significance such as the leader of an organization, the leader of a team, that you're known for a specific skill or trait. Or maybe that people see you in high regard, just know that you're not obligated to live up to what you think you should be but instead allow things to flow. Sometimes this can mean that you make that wrong turn. If you find yourself in this type of position it’s important to be honest with yourself to see where you came up short, to say I don’t know what I was doing or am doing. This helps you to refocus your expectations knowing that you got to be patient and kind to yourself.
You can come to ask for help when you need it to understand that you're never too big to reach out for someone that can guide you to what you need. What you gain by doing this is opening yourself up to greater things because you will come to understand that individually we can only get so much done but collectively the results can be astonishing. This helps to keep that ego in check so you can learn and grow instead of needing validation in needing to appear like you know it all.
Moving forward with this perspective makes you more flexible to the things that you face that leads to greater creativity and resolve. Having this in your tool box is so empowering because it means that not knowing is not a deterrent. It makes you more confident in pursuing new adventures outside of what you're comfortable with. This just feeds more of what's possible in all it takes is enough curiosity and time to really think things through to make things happen. Often times things that we don't know are a mental roadblock to what we can do. Where if we have not thought through it enough and believed that it can be done then that is where it ends. We don’t need to have all the answers before going through what we want. As long as the reasons are strong enough for why we want to do it we can make it happen.
Take the pressure off
Some helpful ways to incorporate taking this type of approach is to admit when you don’t know what you are doing as this helps release the tension and frustration that builds up. It relaxes your mind so you can focus on finding the information or the way to make things work. When the mind is relaxed so does the body, to allow you to see things clearer and move better. This slows things down so the basics of what is needed becomes more apparent.
Think of those times where you don't want to admit that you don't know what you're doing and your expectations of yourself is high. There can be the tendency to try to push and force things to make them work and while at times this is a solution that produces results. There are other times where it can inhibit the progress that you need to make. Being in this intense state can cause tightness to form where the mind becomes specific to certain aspects that could be moving your attention away from another direction that needs to be taken.
It’s important to have expectations of ourselves and sometimes that expectation rolls over to how that situation is going to unfold. Where we envision things playing out in a specific way that is keeps us in the thinking that things must happen this way or it will not work. Getting out of this defensive state makes us more aware of the subtle things that make the difference figuring things out. Kind of like when we are in frantic mode during an emergency where a 911 operator walks through the person on the other line having them talk a little slower and getting information to dispatch help. The difference is slowing down our thinking to notice what is important.
Step away
Another thing to do as you're trying to figure out what the next step to take is to remove yourself from the situation. While it's important to continuously work at what you’re trying to overcome and figure out it's also important to manage the potential burnout that could happen from it. So those times that you’re working to find the answers that you need and you're not making the headway you expect and you're becoming exhausted from it, that is a great moment to step back and walk away from it. This gives you enough time to rejuvenate and refocus yourself so you have enough energy to get back at it.
Just like when you’re training physically for a marathon or team sports, all that preparation that you do is needed to ensure that you give yourself the best chance to perform well but it's also important to have that downtime to recuperate. By allowing ourselves to treat the things that we are going through in the same manner were helping to ensure that the moment doesn't become too big where we become exhausted.
Do the things that you enjoy outside of what you’re pursuing such as your hobbies like artwork, making music, hanging out with friends and family, going for a bike ride. These are the types of things that get your mind off that treadmill that you're on of figuring things out. This allows that voluntary focus to rest so you can use more of that involuntary focus. Make sure to have this a part of your routine so you're recharged and have greater energy to work out the things that are uncertain. In this time to do what you enjoy, sometimes the answers that you are searching for are when they arise because the mind is relaxed that allows for a smooth flow of ideas that tend to be more receptive to them.
Use your words
Come to have a saying before and as you go through the period of not knowing what the next step is. In the moments you feel overwhelmed or stuck repeat it to get you to move forward. Something such as saying “I don’t know how to do it but I’ll figure it out”. Having that want, the urge to do something is all you need because it will fuel you to make it happen. The words that you tell yourself during this period will be crucial in driving home the message so it sticks.
Without it, the tendency will be to move away from what is difficult. Our words have power, so we got to make sure to use them to our advantage. We must help ourselves by building our belief and confidence that we can do it. Once you’re able to drive home that message through the words that you use you might be quite surprised how much you’ll default to it because without it the default becomes about being negative dis swaying you from your pursuit.
Think about when you hear one of your favorite songs, you’re likely to sing along as the rhythm gets pulled in and usually there is a certain phrase that gets you hooked, and you’ll repeat it until it gets stuck in your head. Associate your phrase with a rhythm to help it stick better. It’s just so amazing how powerful the words that we say to ourselves can be because they can be the difference in making you want to give up or continuously fighting for what you want. Take the time to think about what you want to tell yourself or the message you want to drive home because without this intent self-doubt will come out of its shell. Make that self-doubt, doubt itself through the confidence and empowering self-talk that you develop.
Embrace mistakes
It’s going to be important to remind yourself that in the choices that you make while trying to figure things out, mistakes will be made. It is part of the process of not knowing what to do. It is better to make mistakes because it means you are trying and not merely wondering what could’ve been. Mistakes are evidence of seasoned experience. No mistakes mean you’re trying not to lose.
There is a difference of doing things not to lose and doing things to win. When it is about doing things not to lose it means playing it safe that is looking only for what is easy but misses out on the amazing things that are possible and playing to win is willing to take the growing pains to can produce tremendous results. This comes from being willing to make mistakes. What you gain from mistakes is a risk tolerance that gives you the stomach to be able to stick with things when it gets rough.
A long, hard road traveled better prepares you to handle defeat and triumph with grace. The less difficult things come to us the greater a fluke it is. Solidify yourself by being willing to do things when the odds are stacked against you. This strengthens that mental fortitude so you can focus on things when it seems unsettling for everyone else who has not been battled tested.
Some things to ask yourself is what can I gain and learn from if I am willing to make mistakes. Look beyond right now and see how those mistakes can benefit you. We have to remind ourselves that failure is a great learning tool and mistakes are just a cumulative effort that leads to progress. When people ridicule you for your mistakes they are just showing how little value they provide so you can avoid them. Those that help you or encourage you to get back up when getting knocked down highlight why you need to be around them. Lean on them for support and make sure to be there for them in their times of need.
Take action
Eventually what you’re going to need is to take some sort of action no matter how big or small. This is going to help you get in the flow of moving as opposed to just being stuck in paralysis because of the fear of the unknown. The more action that you’re able to take the more experiences that you gain that you can reflect on and see what was done right, what wasn’t done well and what you gain from this.
Objects in motion tend to stay in motion and objects in rest, tends to remain there. Now this doesn’t necessarily mean you always have to be moving to make some sort of progress but having the tendency to act on a consistent basis keeps that wave of momentum moving you forward. This prevents overthinking and overanalyzing that sometimes impedes the action needed to get things going.
With enough things that you do many are going to turn out well and many are not but at least this gives you a body of work so you can reflect and see how you came out better for it. This gives you the ability to laugh at your mistakes and to come to appreciate those difficult things that you were able to overcome that’s going to serve you well going forward. Being in this mode of acting it helps to settle some of those nerves we experience when we don’t know what to do.
Think about the tone that you’re actually using when you’re sitting or standing still, it is that with less energy in how we speak but if you think about the tone that you use when you're moving it tends to be that of higher energy and with a higher amount of energy it can breakthrough the feeling of I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m going to figure it out.
It’s that initial starting point of needing to breakthrough that can be the difficult part. When you find yourself in those moments frozen on what to do, get your body moving, whether it’s through a workout or cleaning the house, cleaning your car, doing outside work as this can alleviate some of the overthinking that we have a tendency to do at times but it also relaxes the mind and the body to become in sync so things can come together a bit more gracefully.
Final thoughts
There is no need to have all the answers before you want to pursue something because that will always prevent you from doing so. Waiting for confirmation or approval that you are ready will keep self-doubt around with a bigger presence that keeps you waiting, waiting a little longer to believe that you can, where you might tell yourself if I only do this or that I will be ready. The thing is we are never fully ready to be what we want to, and it is through moving forward that we start to become. You’ll find out the answers as you go because many times there are things that was not anticipated so it requires figuring it out.
Focus on the effort the effort that you give, what you learned from your experiences and continue to apply that going forward and you’ll find what you need. Not knowing what the next step is a chance to pause, to reflect and think of ways to make it happen. Sometimes it is confused as a dead end that brings about the feeling of retreating to what is familiar, but it is only a resting point to help you gather yourself to find the right course of action to take. Remind yourself that you may not know exactly what you are doing but that is not a bad thing because it makes you more aware and open to what could be. The key to figuring things out is taking action because eventually we’ll find things that work for us.
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