We all view ourselves in some way or another based on our identity, what we do, or how we conduct ourselves. This can be positive, negative, or neutral where the more that you value yourself based on what's appropriate the better you feel about yourself and the better outlook you have going forward.
The negative side obviously is if your self-worth or confidence is low or how you view yourself is low it's going to affect how you value yourself. When things are going good for us, we tend to value ourselves a lot more but when things are not going well for us then the value we have in ourselves might tend to drop.
Sometimes it can be conflicting circumstances where even if things are going well there could be negative self-talk or being overly critical that might diminish how you come to value yourself. This might come from self-sabotage where it feels like the good things that are going on are not deserved. It can work in the same way where when things are not going well but you have the right self-talk, you're still willing to value yourself in a much higher way. Where you know that you will earn much better than what you are experiencing.
How you value yourself affects your outlook
How you value yourself is going to have an enormous impact on how you go about your life. It's going to largely shape your outlook on things. Sometimes others reinforcing things will shape how you come to view yourself. This goes in both directions where if others see you in a positive light there's a tendency that so will you. But if others see you in a negative light, then you might see yourself in that way.
What's important to know in situations like this is not to put too much emphasis on what others think or say about you because ultimately that falls on you. What you think of yourself and how you come to value yourself is probably going to be one of the most important things you have in your life. It's where you're going to draw that inner strength from, and you can rely on it going forward, especially during the difficult moments that you face. Remember the things that get reinforced the most are what you tend to believe so reinforce the things that empower you where the best parts of you are enhanced.
We all want to feel that we belong or that we're making a difference by what we choose to do with our time. Whether it's something that enhances us or that helps others. How you come to value yourself comes down to what you choose to value. These are the things that are most important to you, and you tend to uphold them, not willing to compromise. That you're willing to walk away from the things that are not aligned with them. Your core values tend to dictate how you go about life.
Things such as integrity, love, respect, authenticity, autonomy, determination, and other things of the like will guide you on your path. It’s where you put your self-worth in. It’s the things that make you feel significant or in some cases insignificant. When you have something that gets you going that makes you feel really invigorated it tends to have an effect that gets you moving forward. But when you don't have something that really excites you or something that keeps you down then that too will take over.
Figuring out how you value yourself
For you to value yourself in the right manner start with your confidence. The more confidence you have the more you'll value yourself in a better way. If you don’t value yourself very much it's probably because that confidence is lacking and you got to work to build it up. If that's the case find out what's stifling your confidence because that is impeding that belief that you can do great things.
Sometimes this might come from past experiences that did not turn out well, maybe certain mistakes or blunders were made that you might revert to and think that it's going to happen again. To overcome this tendency of going down this pattern, view those mistakes as what not to do so you clearly know what to avoid and replace them on what will be done the next time. It’s not just about avoiding the situation you were in before completely but knowing the specifics that led to it.
Something such as baking a cake and it did not rise, where it comes out flat. In a case like this it's not just about avoiding baking because what once happened but it's about identifying maybe not all the right ingredients were used or the directions were not followed correctly. Missing out on any one thing could’ve been the difference in things going well.
Or it could be that others talk in a negative light which might affect you as well. The solution to this would be to minimize your contact with those that are negative or just completely remove yourself from the situation if you can. The brain is already going to have you self-doubt yourself to keep you safe you don't need any more of that creeping in, so it's about managing the words from others to not suppress your confidence. Going forward the simple question that you need to ask yourself consistently is what I'm about to do right now going to build my confidence. If the answer is yes, then you proceed with it, but if the answer is no then you just avoid doing what you were thinking of.
Then as you build your confidence enough you can clearly identify the things that are most important to you. And not just others forcing their ideas or their values onto you but it's about you taking the time to figure out what that is for you. Just because people have different values from one another doesn't make it right or wrong, it's just what works for them.
Your values are set by the things that really compel you, where you will not compromise in any way. It’s that strong belief that upholding them makes you a better person. For some winning at all costs or doing things the best is what they value the most and in cases like this this might even mean lying and stealing to get the results that they wanted. For others it might be honesty and they're not willing to sacrifice that so they can get ahead or be the best in what they're doing. That they're willing to bypass by any means necessary so they can uphold what they truly value.
Staying true to what’s important
There are times though that even when you know your values you're going to veer off from them because of the success that you experience might be so blinding or so strong that you get off track. Maybe it's earning a significant amount of money in a short period of time or meeting people with significant social implications it can become intoxicating where you forget the things that you value. Or maybe you don't forget them but these new things that come into your life might seem to be a higher priority. That rush can be so strong that it's almost like you become hooked on it where you want to continue to do it over and over again.
And you know that your values are there, and you think that you're upholding them only to get to the point of saying I got my priorities straight I'm just going to enjoy and live a little. Now there's nothing wrong with that but that newfound success or that newfound wave of emotion that you're riding needs to be managed properly where it's not overtaking your focus. It's tempting to say I can handle this I know when I need to dial it back.
To help check yourself one simple question that you can ask yourself is this newfound success that I'm experiencing is it changing how I value myself for the better. And better is going to be a subjective term that you're going to have to figure out for yourself. To make it a bit more straightforward you could ask is this feeding my ego or is it building my confidence. The ego is fragile that constantly needs validation to feel good whereas confidence can withstand rough periods and still forge ahead.
If you find yourself constantly needing to repeat or relive that success to feel good about yourself then you're probably veering from the things that you truly value. But if you understand that the success that you're experiencing is not dependent on how you value yourself then you're in a very strong state. Where you’re independent of an outcome and your right internally. In this state you have that right perspective where it's not inflating your ego but it's building your confidence.
What you properly value and how you value yourself is a steady reliable source of strength that keeps you grounded. That the highs and lows are not too distracting that it makes you lose sight of what you are aiming for. It means that you can always find yourself in a wave of chaos or euphoria, where you can maintain your composure. If you’re not careful it can engulf you to where you are not sure of yourself. This can be just as bad as valuing yourself too little. Valuing yourself too high can overestimate things that set up for a brutal reality check. Where the risk levels are on the extreme because of an over exuberance. This is when the fall hurts so much because of the new heights that were reached.
Avoid settling and go for what you want
Probably one of the biggest things that gets in the way of properly valuing yourself is settling for things. Where the conclusion is well this is good enough where am I going to find anything better. When this starts going through your mind it’s because fear is dictating you. You know you want something more, something better, but the fear of failure or things going wrong keep you stuck in place.
While yes this is a safe move there's always going to be the lingering effects of looking back instead of focusing on the future. That it becomes I should have done this or should have done that instead of I can do this right now. This can be a frustrating place to be in because it’s about the missed opportunities when there are many right in front of you right now.
To get over settling, know what you want and go for it. And the action can be small, just enough to get you going. Things will get bumpy and uncertain at times, but it is better than living with a sense of what could have been. Once you start settling it becomes a habit and then life becomes about compromises. But once you pursue what you want, you’ll develop a tenacity that is going to propel you forward because shortcomings will be part of the process.
They are just opportunities to dig deep and find a new level of desire to get what you want. In those times, the thought of retreating to safety can seem enticing but it is a silent crusher of your spirit. Keep going forward in your pursuit even if it feels painful and unsettling. You are capable of so much more and it just requires to stop settling. If you know you want something more go for it. Many times that will require saying no, no to the situation that is not going to better you, no to below your standards. It knowing that you will not accept mediocrity, that you will achieve greatness.
Final thoughts
Really come to understand why you value yourself and when you take the time to do so, you can further accept your full self. It’s a powerful process where the internal of what makes you you puts you at ease. This allows you to be loose and adapt where mishaps are taken in stride instead of resisting, trying to maintain an image. When you can be loose you take less of a beating throughout life because the small things are seen and felt like pebbles hitting you instead of fist sized rocks being hurled at you.
Much of life is not what happens to you but it’s how you choose to respond. Take things in stride as best you can so you can keep your focus. There will be times when you get punched in the mouth and knocked down but getting yourself right internally is going to be the difference in being able to rebound from it. Your value is not based on how much money you make or have, or the material things in your possession or how many people admire you, but it is the meaningful contribution that you make. To impact people and things for the better. Sometimes your effort is recognized and sometimes it is not. Either way as long as you feel good about the principles you stand by then you’ll see how valuable you are.
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