Throughout our lives we're going to face difficult moments and times where it just seems insurmountable and we question how things went wrong, how did it get to this point. During times like this there is the tendency to find blame or fault for what led to the circumstances that we are in. Things like blaming others for how things unfolded or blaming ourselves where we beat ourselves up to the point of how could I have let this happen. This phase is natural because we need to reason and try to comprehend what's going on.
Often, the shock of what we did not anticipate or maybe even if we did anticipate it still stings to go through those difficult moments. It can feel as though things are just crumbling all around us and makes us question what we're doing that shakes our confidence in how we can get through it. That comfort of stability that we've grown accustomed to, can lead us to a brutal surprise when that stability is no longer there because it is something that we relied on where we built confidence in it.
Like when an earthquake happens, and it structurally changes the ground that a house is built on where it starts to form cracks in the foundation and a common assumption is the house will fall. This makes us lose confidence in the house that it's safe to live in where we're constantly anticipating when is it going to all just start to cave in. We want to avoid the potential harm that it may cause and if it does fall, it's almost as if that hope and the belief that we had where we live is taken from us. If we remember, instinctively we are wired to avoid losing something because it causes pain stronger than the pleasure of what we gain. We would rather avoid losing something at the cost of gaining something else.
Keep things in perspective
During these times when you find yourself going through a rough period or that you're going through one now, it's going to be important to try to put things into perspective and maintain your composure. This is going to help you manage your emotions from taking over and leading to irrational and bad decisions. Yes, it can be very difficult when you go through these times of having your world rocked but you got to find a way that you can process what you're going through and work through it to come out better for it.
They're going to come those times where you feel like giving up because things look very bleak and hopeless, and you don't see what the next step to take is. That it could even possibly feel that all that you've worked for was a waste of time and effort but the moment that you feel like that you got to remember that is only a moment in time and it shouldn't overtake all the effort that you put forward.
Find a way not to get lost in the trees that we forget to see the forest where a few instances make up the life that you think you're living. Bad days are part of living and a few of them or even several them should not convince us that we have a bad life. There are many joyous moments that we all experience but they become clouded where the days no longer appear bright. Sometimes remembering joyous moments can hurt to replay them as it means that making future ones will not be the same. While they will not be the same joyous moments, they will change and evolve as you do the same.
Embrace change
The constant thing we will all experience is change so the better we can come to understand this, the better equipped we are at embracing the future instead of so desperately clinging to the past. The past gives us a level of comfort because it reverts to things that we have grown fond of or at least familiar to but becoming dependent on it leaves little room to become adaptable that makes it very difficult in times of uncertainty, especially during tough times.
This backwards facing perspective leaves little room to anticipate what is coming which tends to be harder to accept when change occurs. It can feel as though change comes full force that leaves little room to adapt to it. Yes, tough times are hard to navigate through but resisting change will make it even more difficult to manage. It keeps us dwelling on what was lost and trying to get back to what once was.
Being adaptable by anticipating and looking towards the future better prepares you for the rough times. For one, embracing what is yet to come immediately acclimates you to uncertainty because no matter how much you anticipate things happening there is a level of unknown that can play out. Its having an idea of things that are likely to happen and less likely to happen but it’s in your line of thinking that makes you aware of the scenarios that could play out.
This gets you to have general plans for different things that could play out that allows for a smoother transition. Knowing that uncertainty will be present, it means that difficult times will come along with it and when you are in this mental frame of mind you can choose to find solutions for these times as opposed to denying what is going on. It frees up your mind to take on the challenges that are yet to come. Transition from resisting change to embracing it can better help handle yourself during the rough periods that you all will face.
Give your self time to process
One of the first things that can help you better during difficult times is to process what you are going through. Give yourself the time and space to think through what you have been through and what it means now and going forward. This is obviously going to be uncomfortable and hard to get through but the better you can deal with it; the more mental weight will be shed so you can move forward with great agility. Find what works for you to process your thoughts and emotions by writing it out, talking to yourself or someone else you trust, take a walk, work out or even scream it out privately in a healthy manner. Let yourself cry to cleanse yourself.
Give yourself the ability to unload mentally and emotionally to free you up from that weight that you are carrying. This is the moment to be vulnerable and there is no need to try to prove how strong or okay you are. You want to make sure to be honest with yourself by acknowledging all the things that hurt to know but not only focusing on the less-than-ideal things but also the good things that were part of what you've been through. Navigating your struggles effectively sets you up for better things.
As you go through this you have got to make sure to be patient with yourself as there is no specific timetable to move on or get over things. This can be a slow process at times where day-to-day you might not see that much progress that you're making or even week to week but over a period of time things can start to get better working through the hurt that you go through. They're going to be those days where you feel great in how far you have come but there are also going to be those days where you feel like you are stagnant or even going backwards and just know that this is part of the cycle of processing things. They need time to expand and contract to eventually settle into the position it needs to.
Find out what you learned
In this time make sure to be constructive about where you're looking to understand what was learned, what was gained from the experience that you have gone through and that you're currently going through. See how you can apply this going forward by looking beyond just right now and how you're feeling. Now this is going to be a difficult thing to do but focus your energy where you could’ve been and done better. Find out what prevented or distracted you from doing so without looking to blame or find fault.
Sometimes things just happen and our lack of understanding of how to do things could have very much led to the circumstances that we're going through. Things like being let go from a job, failing miserably at that big goal that you were working towards or having fallouts with the people in your life. These are things that can shake the confidence we have within ourselves and sometimes this is done to wake us up to where we need focus our effort to be better at. Instead of focusing on that my boss didn't like me so that's why he fired me is something that's not going to serve you well going forward, so instead reflect and see what exactly you fell short in.
We tend to over or underestimate our abilities which makes it a little bit more difficult to gauge what went wrong. When we overestimate ourselves generally it’s being critical of the factors outside of our control and when we underestimate ourselves, we are too hard on ourselves. There are things outside of our control that can inhibit us, but we need to find a way around it. The things within our control are extremely crucial to the positions we find ourselves in because we put ourselves there.
By knowing the things within your control and focusing your energy on it, you are setting yourself up to find solutions. This helps you to make progress from the difficult times that you are facing. The hurt and pain that we all feel is there to tell us something needs to change and it's up to us to figure out what that is. The goal should be not to always avoid pain but to recognize the cause of it and understand why it is occurring.
Know the people you can count on
To help you in times of need, look to the high-quality people in your life that care for you and that are willing to listen and help you work through what you are facing. Their presence and support helps to know that you are not alone in what you are going through, which can relieve some of that pressure you are experiencing.
Those relationships that you have formed will be key to uplifting you when you feel lost, confused, and even deserted. Having those people to just share how you are feeling can be awkward or even appear weak at first, but you are developing a level of humility that will generate great wisdom. Many times, all we need is someone willing to listen to us to better understand ourselves and what we are going through.
While family members, friends and concerned associates may offer advice, ultimately, it's in your best interest to find what best fits you. They are all seeing things from their own perspective, and it can be helpful to take bits and pieces of what they offer but they're not seeing and experiencing what you are so it's going to be vital that you follow your own path.
You'll be much happier with yourself when you come up with the decisions on your own as opposed to just following what others tell you. We need to be able to trust ourselves by tuning out what others want us to do and identifying what we want of ourselves and understanding why we want that. This clearly sets what each of us is eventually working towards to.
Have a level head to move forward
It's going to be very important not to make emotional decisions based on those low points that you're experiencing because eventually you'll get out of it. These trying times can cloud us into thinking that we have very limited or no options, so we’ll be more defensive and reacting to the moment we are in. Just because you got fired from that job doesn't mean that's the end of your career, maybe it might be the start of something else and you just needed a wakeup call to help you realize that. Or that goal that you fell short of reaching is not the end of your journey but merely an obstacle in your path to what you are working towards.
We have got to remind ourselves that each of us are a work in progress and knowing this helps us understand that the situations we are in and what we have done are not final states unless that is what we decide for ourselves. We are all in a fluid state having the ability to change, adapt, transform, and evolve into much more if we choose that. That thinking of I am a failure or loser because of the rough period I am going through is only self-doubt that arises because it wants me to avoid any further pain.
If giving into that self-doubt, the choices become about settling for what is easy and what is easy is mediocre. The more things chosen based on ease, the more mediocrity will be present. Making decisions based on this can leave an unsatisfied feeling to the path that was chosen. It can make us question what I could have done if only I were to have worked through those difficult moments. Pain is only temporary and by choosing to find a way forward you will be happier and more confident in who you are. The better that you can handle yourself during these rough times, the greater composure you have going forward when they arise again.
Once you're able to properly process your thoughts and your emotions during those low points and avoiding any rash decisions you can start to identify ultimately what you want. With a levelled head you can better see and rationalize things on how to make things work. This positions you much better so you can thrive because you are no longer being held back from what happened and are now focused on moving forward with what you have gained from your experiences.
One great way to tell that you're ready to move forward with what you want is where you are no longer dwelling on what was lost or what happened and are now more focused on what is yet to come. That the future excites you and you're restless about making it happen. It can still feel scary as there still will be many uncertainties but that drive to move forward becomes so much more compelling than the fear of being hurt. This shows a high level of bravery because it means choosing to go in the heat of the fire at the risk of getting burned. It's taking action in spite of fear not the absence of it. This is going to add another layer of strength and determination that will be needed when you face resistance.
Drawing strength
These tough times that we all experience are opportunities to fuel our growth by being willing to overcome them. Strength is drawn from when we are tested and not when we are rested. Just like when we workout through lifting weights or running long distances, it is an opportunity to build muscle.
First the muscle needs to be stressed through resistance and the more you push yourself the more resistance you apply that can lead to building more muscle. This resistance will cause trauma to your muscles and the cells in your fibers repair the damage that was caused, and the muscle fibers increase in size that leads to bigger muscles over time. Having the proper rest for your muscles with the right amount of nutrition allows them to develop properly.
This concept can translate into our minds and emotions where through enough resistance, trauma is caused that allows for them to be repaired which increases overtime. If our thinking, our expectations, our resilience are stressed enough we will experience defeat, disappointment and heartache that has the opportunity to build us up further with enough time and support to recover in between. What this leads to is strengthening our character and ultimately who we are.
We just need to remind ourselves that we can come out better for it on the other side. This can be a bit insensitive but these rough times that we will all face can be seen as a workout or training program for our personal development. We go into it sometimes ill prepared to handle what we are about to face but we can come out of it stronger and with a greater appreciation for what we can overcome. This can help us embrace those challenges that are right in front of us instead of trying to run away from them.
Final thoughts
Those difficult moments or stretches that we all experience is telling us action is needed to get us moving. It's signaling to us that it needs our attention so we can correct things. These periods of transition can be trying at times where it hurts our confidence and dis ways our hope for what could be. We just have to remind ourselves that these are merely moments in time and eventually we can get through them if we're committed to finding solutions to what we're facing. As you go through them, give yourself the time and space to process what you're going through so you can better understand what's going on. This period helps you to reflect on what led to this point and what you can do about it.
Look to those high-quality people in your life for support as you are not alone in what you are up against. You might be surprised but there are many other people going through difficult times and see if you can form connections with them as leaning on each other can bring a breath of freshness knowing that you can relate with others that helps you work through those down days. Find out what you want going forward by getting to a calm state mentally where you can rationalize how you’re going to make things happen. This gives you the chance to play out things so you a better prepared to execute on them. Come to view these times as an opportunity for something much greater and you’ll better for it. How you handle yourself and the tough times that you are in speaks volumes and is a precursor for how well you will navigate future obstacles.
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