It can hurt to know that we suck at things and most of the time we will stop doing it to not feel bad about ourselves. This can lead us to being intimidated in trying new things. Simply stop doing something just because we are bad at it can limit our opportunities in life. What many of us think at being bad at something is because of the end result and not the process. Think to when you sing or dance in private, it might not sound or look pretty to someone else, but for most of us we enjoy it because it connects us to what we are doing. Because we are social creatures there is a need for us to be accepted by our peers. When people do not accept us, we start to question if something is wrong with us. Think to our ancestors, when someone is ousted from a village or society, they were left to fend for themselves, and it posed a greater threat to their survival so naturally it can make someone conform. This is still evident today, where many of us want to be accepted by others so we have a place of belonging. So, if we think we are bad at singing or dancing, generally we won’t don’t do it in front of others to avoid being ousted.
But you should give yourself permission to suck as it is invaluable, especially if you enjoy what you do. Striving for this means you choose progress over perfection. No longer is it an all or nothing situation. When you give yourself permission to suck, you tear down being intimidated and the need to get the best results. How many of us have heard from others, why are you doing that, just give up already or you’re just wasting your time when results or progress are not seen. But have we asked why should we give in and conform to what is easiest. What is easiest is a merely a trap in living restricted. You can be a lousy at hockey, golf, painting, or writing but that should not deter you from pursuing it. Don’t let the end result dictate what you want to do.
By doing what you are bad it, you’re building resiliency that will prepare you for the tough times ahead. It helps to get us comfortable when things are uncomfortable. One of the biggest down falls we have is giving up too soon because we have not developed the grit to handle things. Just like a tree needs to be stressed when they are young to grow strong and handle harsh conditions later, we also must do the same. When you can continually work at what you are bad it, that daunting feeling of being insurmountable eventually fades and chips away of what is hard. You do the hard things until it becomes less and less hard. Just like a jack hammer, it breaks up large material into smaller pieces. Eventually, when your too busy doing what you suck at, that acceptance from others that you once strived for becomes irrelevant. Now it becomes about what you want and focusing the effort required to get better.
Once you do things that you suck at, you will be more battle-tested which will give you more confidence moving forward when adversity strikes. A sense of calm and understanding is gained each time you choose to face the hard things. You will see challenges as opportunities to get better and not as threats to run away from. As you ascend in life, there will be tough situations that you’ll encounter and to rise above it to meet the challenge, the process will be ugly to get ahead. You’ll understand that things will not be pretty all the time since you have already trained yourself for progress. Remember, that progress can be dirty, ugly, uneven, and painful, but stay the course and you’ll be better for it. Be hungry for what is in front of you and see the joy in the opportunity you have. Everything we want is in front of us and we just have to go get it.
Aaron Donald, the best defensive tackle in the NFL is a good example of doing what he was not good at. He was a dominant player in high school but only had one significant move. His coached realized that for Aaron to excel in college and the pros, he would need to improve his other arsenal of moves so Aaron was told in his final year of high school not to use his biggest strength to improve overall his game. The coach explained relying on his one best move would limit his success at the next level because he would be facing much difficult players that can handle him. Having only one move would have restricted his performance. At first, he was hesitant of the approach but later understood the importance of developing his other traits and this led him to continue to be dominant at each level. By being more diverse in playing, he could beat his opponents in different ways. So, if one move did not work well, he could use others to counter.
There are many things that we are all good at that makes us feel validated, that our time was well spent. But this can condition us to being tied to the result more that the process. We all know that we spend way more time in the process than at the destination and should look to enjoy the ride. How many times have we pursed something more for the reward that can be easy to attain as opposed to pursuing something great even though it was difficult. Sometimes choosing to only do what we are good at limits who we can become. It keeps us in a safe state that coddles us and can setup for a rude awakening that can shake us to the core. This thinking will keep our dreams and aspirations on hold and lead us to make one compromise after another until we realize we are in too deep to make significant changes.
We need to evaluate if we enjoy what we are good at because of the process involved or simply because we are good it. It can feel great to be a good at something but having only that experience will make accepting change so much more difficult. Change will always be constant, and it is not the strongest, smartest or fastest that will thrive but the one who can adapt to change. And adapting means thinking new ideas, trying new things, and falling flat on your ass until you find what works for you.
By giving yourself the permission to suck, you will eventually be better at whatever you choose to do. Even if you do not master what you were bad it, you form new pathways in your brain that will allow you to learn, adapt and be more resourceful. You will become more comfortable in who you are and less dependent on others approval. Embrace what you suck it at as it will build you to be better and well rounded. It will arm you with a sense of possibilities and not restrictions so you can thrive and not merely survive.
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