Femininity that it is not just defined as characteristics of women. The common words associated with it are passive, tender, empathy, and patience. From a toxic form of masculinity this could be seen as a pushover that the wolfs will have their way with a person who is more inclined to be this way. But these characteristics provide unique assets that help us slow down and not be so driven by our emotions to act right away.
These are great traits to have when it comes to unifying people in situations where there's disagreements, about hearing each side and what they want to convey. A trait like being passive allows somebody to just sit there and listen to what's being said instead of trying to figure out at a rebuttal. Or being tender to somebody allows trust to be built between both sides especially in a situation where somebody's just been hurt.
If you think of a profession like nursing, they're treating patients who probably are going through some sort of pain and that tenderness allows them to earn that trust so the nurses can help the patients out. Or having that willingness to be patient with things can be the difference in seeing things through. Where in that masculine type of form a common trait is to want things done now but that feminine side allows us to see beyond right now. In taking a route of an entrepreneur, it requires a high level of patience which is going to really benefit those that embrace their feminine side.
Breaking free
Femininity can be seen as free to be yourself, to just let things flow. Not bound to a certain set of stringent expectations. To just take things in and enjoy and appreciate all the things around you. It is taking the time to notice the details so we can comprehend how marvelous our experiences can be. If you take something as simple as eating it can be done fast or done while working, watching TV or being on the phone. When we just see the food that we're consuming as energy to fuel our body and the quicker that we eat it there's probably a higher chance that we're not going to enjoy it as much. Or that being distracted by something else takes your attention from savoring that opportunity you get to eat whatever foods you're afforded.
But if you take the time to slow down your eating habits and allow yourself to truly take in all the flavor of those foods that you're eating it gives you a better chance to let yourself fully experience what you're going through. It gives your mind the ability to process things, so it becomes a lot more memorable. And femininity helps us to slow things down and realize all those wonderful things that we get to be a part of. There are times in the hectic lives that we live where there's so many things to get done or that you're involved with, it feels like we're going from one thing to another without the ability to catch our breath and process what we're going through so it just becomes about staying afloat. When that does happen there's a higher tendency to not really enjoy the process, where we're only focused on the results of what we're doing.
Femininity helps to get out of the negativity that we may fall into at times because at its very core it's about being free, and this helps us to free ourselves from being trapped in limiting beliefs. Where mistakes are made, or we've had embarrassing moments we have the patience and empathy for ourselves to say you know what I can forgive myself for that, that was just a moment in time that was not my best and I can move past it to be better for it. That we avoid dwelling on how others view us but instead focus that energy on taking care of ourselves.
When we can cultivate and nurture this side that we all have, we are able to set aside our egos and be willing to embrace new things to learn and grow. The ego doesn't want that, the ego wants to feel good all the time to feel validated. It tells us that I already knew that, or I don't need to learn anymore because I'm already great as is. So that ego is insecure about willing to open up about things that they're not comfortable with. Femininity allows us to move past that want to resist so we can open up our eyes and see what is happening, listening to what is going on and opening our minds to what is possible. It is an asset that can transcend us into new chapters in our lives.
Acknowledging
The first step in solving the problems that we all face is first acknowledging that we have one and then we can be more willing to find solutions on how to overcome it. Where that ability to recognize and say you know what I need to figure this out and I might need some help. This gives us the ability to be honest with ourselves without destroying the confidence we have in what we can do.
The price of not feeling free is that everything weighs you down and it will show in your demeanor, how you carry yourself. It just limits you in every way because that mental block is distracting you from what is important to you. In that state of trying to resist things there is tension because if you think about it in a physical form when you're tense your jaw might be clinched, your hands might form a fist instead of them being hung loose and this can cause your back to become tight. And this affects your mind where it to becomes tight to fend off anything that is seen as threatening. In going at problems with this type of manner it restricts our ability to overcome them because of our inability to adapt.
Being adaptable allows us to modify things to make them fit. If we look at a great company such as Coca-Cola who has such massive brand recognition worldwide, they have had some mishaps throughout their history and in the heated competition with Pepsi, Coca-Cola changed the formula to come up with new coke and this led to declining sales but they had enough awareness and willingness to say you know what we were wrong and they actually went back to the old formula to make their customers happy. Their ability to be objective and adaptable is what allowed them to continue to be the great company that they have been. That they did not try to force the new coke flavor to everybody's liking or try so desperately to justify what they did.
There is a tendency for women to be more willing to listen and accept feedback then men. Kevin O'Leary one of the Shark Tank investors has said that 75% of his best investments have come from CEOs that are women and he cited that women tend to be willing to listen to their customers and employees and let the best ideas lead the way instead of needing to feel validated that it comes from them. Many of these women are mothers so they have been accustomed to listening to their kids needs and instead of just forcing things upon them. He also has said that men tend to overestimate their abilities and come up short, but women tend to underestimate their abilities, but they over deliver. There is a little bit more ego involved with men so it's understandable why these high expectations that men might have can be a reason why they fall short. They might be unreasonable in the short term.
Embracing femininity
Just like women can be masculine, men can also be feminine as well. So how can we make this more accepting amongst men to embrace more of that femininity. It truly starts off from the inside, being willing to recognize those soft areas. But what's considered soft amongst men is seen as a bad thing. The common things we think about that are soft, teddy bears, pillows, and marshmallows. What's interesting about all those things is that they're resilient. They can handle more stress on them and they're still the same.
If you actually think about all these soft things, they actually all go back to their state of being so if you make an indent in the marshmallow, it does have a little bit of a ability to go back to its full form the same for pillow or the same for teddy bear. And at the same time all these things provide comfort to whoever needs it so that marshmallow is soft and chewy but it's also tasty. That pillow is comforting where we can lay our heads and recover from a long hard day. Or that teddy bear can just provide that comfort of when we were kids that was like our go to toy or go to friend that helped us feel good.
Those things that are soft do not command respect but what they offer is a place of refuge which is why go to a place of comfort when we are feeling down. Mothers are great at comforting their children in their time of need and somewhere along the line we each need to learn how to fend for ourselves to be independent, but we must remember we need a place to retreat to and gather ourselves. This is where that femininity kicks in.
One misconception is that as we grow to be independent it does not mean we are alone. That we are not allowed to seek help, it just means that the soft side we all have is there to point out it is time to let go and let things flow. That the masculine side is not helping currently, and it is a chance to reevaluate, so we do not burn ourselves out. Having the ability to know when to pivot, to take some time off is crucial to be able to live in that state to be free.
That the more the struggle feels like it is restricting, that is when things get tighter and a good thing to do in a moment like this is to get loose and nimble so you can maneuver your way out. It conserves your energy, so you are not too tired to think your way out of things. This allows you to see the big picture so you are not taking short cuts that will compromise what it is you are striving for.
This is an asset that we must learn how to use because they're going to come many times throughout our lives where self-doubt will come in and this softer touch is going to help us not get so down on ourselves but be patient enough to work through those growing pains that we're going through. So, while there is a time to challenge ourselves and hold ourselves accountable for what we're doing and this can come when we're falling short of what we're pursuing, to preserve that self-confidence that would be a great time to offer some praise for what you did do well instead of looking for excuses.
Lead with the soft side
For men to be more accepting of their feminine side it needs to be displayed by those that they look up to. That a father being there for their son when they just come up short and just having that comfort and support of saying son that's OK that no matter if you achieved what you set out for yourself, it doesn't mean that I think any less of you.
That a father’s approval is not dependent on their son reaching a certain outcome. To say I'm here for you if you ever just want to talk about how you feeling right now or how you want to bounce back from this. This can ease some of that pain that they might be going through, and it helps to promote patience and empathy so they can be free and let go of the things that hurt. This helps to tear down those walls that we might put up to protect ourselves against being seen as weak in a sense.
One thing we got to remember as we're promoting this femininity that we all have; it's going to be important is to find that balance that best empowers us. There's going to be times where that softer side is needed to help us get through some difficult moments but there's also times that we're going to just have to in a sense not put too much thought into some of the pain or discomfort that we may be going through as it can cause us to dwell on things.
Steve Jobs who cofounded apple talked about managing people and he says how at the very core, apple is a very collaborative company. Steve Jobs people are willing to tell him that he is wrong and sees it as having wonderful arguments. He says he does not win all the arguments, that you can’t win all of them. That if you want to hire great people and have them stay there, you have to let them make a lot of the decisions, that you have to be run be ideas and not hierarchy. That the best ideas have to win, otherwise those great people will not stay. And this only emphasizes that not just that masculinity is what effectively leads the way but having that femininity to be able to balance out those times of I need to listen, I need to see where others are coming from, how I can help them or them help me.
Final thoughts
At the core what femininity gives you is the ability to be free to break from the limitations that you or others might put on you. To break free from a certain set of rigid rules or expectations. Free to be who you are with all the quirkiness and unevenness. To give yourself the time to process some of the hurt and pain that you might be going through but also to savor all the little things that add up to joyful experiences. Give yourself the ability to take a step back and evaluate things. Embrace your femininity because it is not only bound to women, that men can have that softer side and not be looked down upon. Let’s be more kind and understanding to each other so we can live free.
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