Defining Yourself

We commonly define ourselves by what we notice on the surface because it is so easy to associate with. Sometimes the way others see us influence how we see ourselves. There is a constant need to put things into categories that might cause you to fall into this when it comes to defining yourself. Many times, the biggest thing in your life is how you identify yourself, whether good or bad. It could be being known for you intelligence, a certain skill, your height or where you come from that you define yourself as. But defining yourself is so much more than that. It is the foundation of your character that is so profound. Let’s explore what it means to define yourself and how it can impact you.

What is defining yourself

What define you are the internal values you hold and how you handle yourself. Both must be aligned to better understand yourself. When you understand yourself, it allows you to be comfortable in who you are and not needing outside validation from people or things to solidify you. Your internal gratification is what fuels you to be independent of whatever the outcome may be. How you handle what comes your way, especially during the difficult times will tell you all you need to know about yourself. Your values serve as your roadmap and your actions is how you’ll get there.

Internal values that you hold such as determination or respect will dictate that your actions that lead to progress in your life. Your satisfaction comes from living to your standards and upholding it is the most important. Because of this, whatever you hold yourself to like accountability or resiliency is the core of what makes you. Defining yourself comes down to what you choose for yourself with conviction. It is an intent focus on an objective that comes only from you that cannot be taken away. When you have this, it is such a calm and reassuring feeling going forward.

What is not defining yourself

Things such as how we look, our talents, our past, what we have, what we do daily or what we hear is what commonly how people identify themselves as. A job title, working for a certain company or how attractive or skillful you are might make you feel significant because of how validated you are from it. If you draw your significance from an outside source, then you are more prone to having the rug ripped out from underneath you. What can be taken away is not something that defines you. That job title, the looks or skill are all temporary and when it is over, how will you define yourself as. These things are only a small part of what you, and if it is the primary makeup of who you are then there will be a big sense of emptiness within.

If what you hold close to you is based on the approval or validations of people or things, then you have not yet defined yourself. This means that the attachment to the outcome dictates how you think and act. It could be achieving a certain level of success or status that may feel good but that alone does not justify who you are. An external need to feel significant is only temporary and volatile. It can lead to the thinking of how you want others to view you, so you work to prove yourself to them. Chasing the feeling to know if you are worthy. But you must remember that as long as you approve of yourself, you are worthy.

The importance of defining yourself

Defining yourself gives you clarity to who you are, what you stand for that will guide you to your destination. It allows you to live more intently to know what you will not tolerant and give your best effort moving forward. When you know where you are going, it gives you greater conviction in your pursuit. Think to going to the store and if you know what you are going to buy, you will probably go get what you need and move on. If not, you will be wandering around buying things you may not need because you do not know what to look for or what standard you have.

It helps to understand yourself better and evaluate what you want out yourself and life. You will come to know your strengths and weaknesses and be more willing to be honest with yourself about your shortcomings. This will allow you to effectively make changes that result in progress. Understanding yourself empowers you to be your full self because you are confident in who you are. You take control of your life and are not needing permission from others to tell you how you should do it. And when things go wrong, it does not discourage you from continuing forward but helps you gain the perspective so you can be better the next time. It gives you the opportunity to gain so much more out of yourself and life.

The dangers of not defining yourself

When you are not able to define yourself, you may feel lost, longing for something much more even if you have an idea of what you may want. Fear may paralyze from taking action and time will continue to pass you by. It can affect your confidence that will limit what you are capable of. Success can be achieved even without defining yourself, but it will leave a void that can constantly eat away at you. Michael Phelps, known as the most decorated Olympian found himself wondering who he was even after all his success and took the time to figure it out. He found that he was more than a swimmer and is living fulfilled because he took the time to define himself.

On top of feeling lost, your circumstances will get the best of you. The environment will dictate your thoughts and actions which will make you feel powerless. When things go wrong, it may seem that everything is snowballing into bigger problems. People and their words will have a large influence on you that will lead you to conform to them. Similar to the crab in the bucket mentality, you will constantly be pulled down when you try to get out because the conviction in yourself is not yet strong enough.

Defining moments

We all have defining moments in our lives that are pivotal and we are the ones that choose how we will respond when they arise. How you respond to those moments will shape who you will become. If you are not satisfied with how you handled yourself, you can try again by pursuing new opportunities. Experiencing failure can be gut wrenching, making us question whether we are enough. When this happens, you can choose to give in to failure or bounce back by trying again. Either you lose or gain something from these moments and what is generally lost or gained is confidence and resiliency. These defining moments will have a significant impact on your life’s trajectory. You must define them or else they will define you. By knowing who you are, you will be better prepared to handle these significant moments.

How to define and redefine yourself

Once you removed the external things you associate with, know your values, know how you handle yourself in the tough times and understand your defining moments, you can define yourself. If you are not satisfied with it, you have the power to change yourself. There is nothing wrong with admitting not liking how you define yourself because you can redefine it. This starts by focusing on the right thoughts that will get you closer to who want to be. Your thoughts become words, your words become actions, your actions become habits, your habits become your character.

To further solidify who you want to be, start by writing it down. The power of writing things down is it starts to make it a reality. It makes thoughts clear and concrete that many times can be vague when it is only kept in your mind. This simple act makes you more committed and sharpens your focus. Defining or redefining yourself will help you live empowered to thrive.