Does it feel like you have to hold back who you are to fit in, to be accepted, to not cause a ruckus? That being your true self can be too much for others to handle or it could be uncomfortable for them. We all actually have a need to be accepted by our peers, some more than others but we have to remember that we need to be true to ourselves by being fully who we are. The moment we start conforming to what others want of us whether it's how we behave, how we present ourselves, what we say, we are sacrificing the pieces of who we are that makes us great and what we can grow into. We all have rough edges and it's always good to try to refine and improve ourselves, but we have to remember not to completely give in to how others think we should be.
It's OK to think different from others, to disagree with them, to be yourself even if you do not fit in. When you choose to accept yourself so you can be yourself you choose a path that frees you from limits. And this can apply to many different parts of your life whether it's socially or professionally. Just because others do certain things does not mean you have to do the same. It's OK if socially you have different taste from your friends and your peers.
Break free from others expectations
Typically, in whatever circle you're in there is a sort of set of expectations on how you need to behave and present yourself and in some cases for good reason like in the workplace we have to be respectful of others, how we treat them, making sure to not threaten or be demeaning. This is how far it should go and you have the ability to formulate your own style that works for you. And if others think any less of you because of this, this can actually be to your advantage because now you weed out the people who do not accept you for who you are. You know where you stand that gives you a firmer ground to stand on. Do you really want to be around people that you need to change yourself to feel accepted.
It's okay not to fit in
If you find yourself not fitting in this is for good reason and it doesn't mean that you are less than the others around you. Too many times what's seen as different is seen as a stigma, that the oddball or the thing that sticks out is so eye popping that it makes everybody start scrutinizing what’s wrong. Naturally if you happen to experience this it can feel a bit gut wrenching because we are social creatures and we want others to embrace us. We want to feel connected to others and not feel like we are by ourselves. But just remember you'll eventually find the right fit for you if you allow yourself to be who you are.
The more you're able stay true to yourself, the more independent you become that allows you to follow what you truly desire. It could be that you're a very joyful, happy person amongst a group of miserable people and because you stand out of what's the norm people can try to tear you down. Don't let the masses convince you that you need to change to be like them or that something is wrong with you.
Avoid conforming
It is too easy to try to conform and that conformity results in a life in which your actions are dictated by others. In being trapped in the expectations of others, it feels like it is not a life on your terms, that the things you truly want feels like it is wrong or that it is at it out of your reach. This could lead you to feeling guilty or shame for the things that you want so you'll start denying yourself of those things. You might start to associate the things that make you happy are things that are bad because it's not benefiting others.
This could lead to others taking advantage of your good nature and goodwill. If this is not noticed, it will turn into others needing to approve of you and your actions before you do so. This can create a dependency of self-worth based on the things outside of you control. The things outside of your control is energy wasted as you do not have influence over it. Essentially, life is not to be explored but to be obliged based on some unwritten code that appeases a few.
Put yourself first
Just be aware that the things you want does not have to be justified by others and that it's OK to put yourself first. Too many times the term selfish is used in such a negative context that there is a constant need to put others before yourself. Now there are times where selfish is detrimental where you're putting yourself first at the expense of others, but in a case like this selfish means putting your needs ahead of others.
Would you be willing to give up your meals for some lazy person who doesn't have enough to eat and they're in their predicament because of their lack of taking care of themselves. How is that reasonable to you? Not many people are going to start looking out for you. While it's important to give back to others, you must take care of yourself and your needs first. Actually, when you can get yourself right you can be a bigger help to others later on.
Prepares you for something greater
The more you allow yourself to be yourself the greater impact you can have. I think this is what makes diversity so powerful because you start to see things from so many different angles that you wouldn't have if everybody had the same viewpoint. With different perspective comes different and new ideas that lead to innovation that improve the quality of our lives. Your struggles today of feeling alone and not fitting in could be that it's preparing you for a journey of great adventure and new ways of doing things. Sometimes in being alone you get accustomed to what is unfamiliar that will help you get acclimated to uncertainty and carving out new paths.
It builds the resiliency that comes from overcoming what you go through. People like Taylor Swift and Albert Einstein did not fit when they were younger and their alone time gave them the chance to skyrocket their journey. Taylor said she wrote songs because she was alone a lot of the times, feeling left out in school and the social scene. Albert said alone time gave him time to wonder and search for truths. Can you imagine if people like them did not have this time for themselves and how their work would not have been realized to benefit so many others. Let's tear away at that stigma that being alone is bad, being alone is actually great because of the time it gives you to imagine what’s possible. It’s an opportunity to strengthen and condition your mind as you see fit and not what others deem for you.
Alone time strengthens you
The alone time you have with yourself gives you the ability to explore yourself further to understand who you are and what you want to do. Too many times people are distracting themselves with outside things that they forget what is most important, which is looking inward. Then the years go by and they might go through some sort of identity crisis or ask themselves how they ended up where they are in life. Is this what I wanted for myself? If they realize this too late, it can feel that life has been a big disappointment and as if they are trapped. The sooner you can utilize that alone time to develop yourself, the more confident you become in who you are and whatever comes your way. With more time to develop, the further along you will be and will find a life of fulfillment beyond success.
And as you take this alone time to explore yourself just know that there's going to be times where it is going to be uncomfortable that you're going to have to face yourself and look at your faults and weaknesses. These things are not something to be ashamed of, that need to be hidden but understanding what they are gives you a better idea on how to manage them. This gives you time away to focus on you. It breaks free of the constant need of comparing yourself to others that helps take some of the unnecessary pressure off you to allow you to truly flourish on your terms. Many times, the need of comparing to others can make you feel like you're being left behind or are not enough, so if your peers are advancing in academics, socially, or professionally it can make you act urgently to try to keep up with them.
Can help you accomplish more
Being yourself gives you ability to accomplish more because now you're not being regulated by others. You have the ability to see things and have the conviction to act on it. If you look at some of the greatest visionaries in history, these are people that were ridiculed, laughed at, and even called crazy. But because they broke free from the consensus, they pioneered great things. We all have ideas but there are certain people who act on these ideas to make it possible.
Many financers and loan officers said Walt Disney's plan to create theme parks was crazy. When you can run with your idea to find ways to make it work, you begin to leave behind the limitations that others put on you. As long as you believe in yourself, that is all you need. Sometimes you need to break free from the crowd to truly unleash yourself as they might be holding you back. If you find yourself feeling alone just remember it's for good reason, your thinking and perspective is different and this allows for a different trajectory in your life.
Most people that you meet tend to be bystanders just watching you go by ready to pounce on any little discrepancy to try to make themselves feel good. So you might as well be with people who are uplifting that make you better and accept you for who you are. Eventually you'll find these people but it will take time and just continue to accept yourself so you can be yourself. Remember being different is not a bad thing and the people who take the time to understand you are ones you should keep close. And each time you get rejected by those naysayers they're actually doing you a favor because you're expelling the trash out of your life.
Final thoughts
In being your true self just know that we all have our quirks where we have our embarrassing moments, where we fall flat on our faces and it's OK. When you leave that timidness behind you leave all the pettiness that limits your potential. You do not need to excuse yourself for being who you are. Give yourself permission to indulge in the things that make you happy and don't let others convince you that it's wrong. Accept yourself to be yourself. What more do you need.
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